A couple of tweets ago, I said I was going to talk about how platitudes like "Growth happens outside your comfort zone" got me into trouble.
It’s not that you shouldn’t step out of your comfort zone. It’s just that perfectionists can be...extreme in their approach.
I would throw myself into situations, hoping that the desire to make it through will be enough to figure it out on time. I thought this was all that I needed to do to step out of the comfort zone.
This sort of worked within the predictable environment of school and work.
In 2016, I decided I'd go all in and start a business. This is when the house of cards imploded.
I thought that out of sheer necessity I was going to figure it out. Feeling cornered like that would normally activate something that would make me fight like a rabid dog. I would always pull through, and many times I would even win.
But after many cycles of that, I didn’t have it in me this time. This time was different. There was no clear end in sight...so I burned out. Mentally, physically, and spiritually.
I stepped out of my comfort zone only to find myself alone with the same ol'story.
"I don't have what it takes."
"I'm not good enough."
I closed shop and returned to work. For a while, the only question I had was how to occupy my time between now and my death. I liked being alive, just enough to stay, but not enough to be excited about the whole ordeal of existence.
It was the best of times and the worst of times. It was a weird, difficult time. But it was also what I needed to finally break down and look within.
It doesn't matter if you are building a business or working for someone else, life is generally more pleasant if you love yourself. I've struggled with defining "my angle" and my audience because radical self-acceptance should be for everyone, regardless of what they do.
I am here for those who know they are using brutal willpower to get ahead, and they are tireddddd.
I am here for those who keep hustling but are not seeing the results.
I am here for those who got burned out and do not know how to live anymore.
I am here for those who know that their problem is not a lack of trying - it's something else.