In 2011 at 12 years-old I despised looking at myself in the mirror.

I didn´t have friends in middle school and the ones I thought I had were only superficial. My life took place inside my Playstation 3 more than in reality. A sprinkle of bullying rounded the experience up.

Weighing a proud 100,4 kg (220,88 lbs) came on top of it all.

I desparately wanted to lose all my weight.

If only I weighed less, my life would be good.

I´d get friends, be happy, maybe even the girls would talk to me. I´d be like the hero in my favorite escape-from-reality games. I´d be proud and happy about myself.

I was wrong.

Losing weight made me worse.

I was more unconfident than ever before.

Finally being one of the “cool kids”, I started wearing designer clothes I begged my mom to buy, styling my hair, wearing accessories, desperate to feel like I´m “one of them”. I even transferred from being bullied to bullying. "I will be happy once I {get a six-pack; lose 5 more kg, get a girlfriend}" was my mantra.

Losing weight came at the cost of a 10 year battle with self-confidence, binge-eating-disorder and the never ending "I will be happy once XYZ".

It's not about reaching specific goals, but becoming a different person.

As James Clear says, true behaviour change is identity change. Improvements are only temporary until they become part of who you are.

I never changed the way I looked at myself and didn´t realize that part of my old identity still sabotaged my plans for change a decade later.

It took my 10 years to learn how to best reach my goals:

1. Decide on the type of person you want to be (that can reach those goals)

2. Prove it to yourself with small wins.

3. Constantly ask yourself “Are you becoming the type of person you want to become?"

These three steps transformed my life over the last 6 months, and they can for you too.