Arthur Schopenhauer's Counsels and Maxims gave me useful advice on how to deal with the challenges of social life. These lessons have helped me stay involved with others while protecting my own peace of mind.
1. Bring Solitude Into Social Settings
Schopenhauer suggests that even when you're with others, it’s important to keep a part of yourself separate and peaceful. This doesn’t mean avoiding people, but rather holding on to some inner calm when you are in social situations. For a long time, I used to feel exhausted by social gatherings. I would completely withdraw afterward to recover. But now, I try to maintain a sense of quiet within myself, even when I’m around others.
Example: At parties or group events, instead of getting caught up in every conversation, I focus on staying centered. This helps me enjoy being with others without feeling overwhelmed.
Problem: Cutting yourself off from people can lead to loneliness, while being too involved can make you feel drained.
Takeaway: Keeping some of your solitude with you allows you to be part of social settings without losing your sense of self.
2. Don’t Worry About What Others Think
Schopenhauer also advises not to put too much weight on what people say about you. He points out that worrying about others’ opinions can be harmful. This hit home for me because I used to overthink everything people said to or about me. Over time, I realized that most of the time, people’s opinions don’t really matter—they’re often just reflections of their own issues.
Example: I would often replay conversations in my head, worrying about what others thought of me. Once I stopped caring so much, I felt freer and more at peace.
Problem: Constantly worrying about others’ opinions makes it hard to be yourself.
Takeaway: When you stop seeking approval from others, you can live more freely and confidently.
3. Keep Some Distance From Society
Schopenhauer compares society to a fire—if you get too close, you get burned. He suggests that while we should engage with society, we shouldn’t get too entangled in it. I’ve found this helpful, especially when I felt pressured to conform to groups that didn’t match my values. By keeping some distance, I was able to protect my own mental and emotional well-being.
Example: I used to feel like I had to follow the crowd in certain social circles, even when I didn’t agree with their behavior. Now, I keep a little distance, which helps me stay true to myself.
Problem: Getting too involved with people who don’t share your values can lead to stress and confusion.
Takeaway: Keeping a little distance allows you to stay engaged with society while still protecting your sense of self.
Schopenhauer’s Counsels and Maxims helped me find a balance between being part of society and protecting my own peace. By holding onto solitude, not worrying too much about others’ opinions, and keeping a bit of distance, I’ve learned to interact with others while still maintaining my well-being.