In 23 years of my existence, the only feeling that has been constant is that of being a misfit, a fish out of water, the quintessential outsider and sometimes a social pariah. With that comes the need to fit in, the eternal struggle to be liked, and the constant exhaustion that comes with it. And with the latter comes the weariness and outbursts that ultimately lead to non-conformity. So it's an endless cycle.

But like a dear friend once mentioned during one of my rants, everybody thinks they are different, and nobody understands them, but in reality, our feelings are not unique. Everyone is a misfit, albeit in different ways. Almost all of us are trying to espouse specific models of 'proper' conduct.

Don't get me wrong. I have nothing against people trying to better themselves because nothing else dictates human growth. And because I am guilty of getting a complex when I do not look, talk or think like everyone else in my vicinity, I have no right to sermonise anyone else.

However, I can address certain things.

First that there are majorly two kinds of misfits. The first one tries hard to gel in with the in-group (their success rate can classify this group further, but let's not dwell on that), and the second is rebellious by nature and won't fit into dictated dos and don'ts. These are the superior human beings who march to the beats of their own drums, and frankly, I am envious of them. This coveted group has branched out from the first group as a consequence of natural evolution. I guess they initially did strive to follow others' lead before acknowledging the futility and how changing themselves compromised their integrity.

While I am at it, let me point out something else I have realised along the way. Being a misfit is subjective. When you find people who are culturally aligned with you, you no longer have to make an effort to fit in. But such is the way of life that we rarely find these people. So you are caught up again in being charmed by the idiosyncrasies of another or being offended by them.

So, fellow misfits, what do we do? Keep making half-hearted attempts at being accepted by everyone else, or do we give up on everything while secretly craving to be included? Let's cut the drama and accept a few things, shall we?

First, being the odd one is not a crime, no matter how much people try to convince you otherwise. It is okay to care about other things or the same things differently. It is fine to ponder things others won't, ask 'too many' questions, or have endless doubts. You do not need to fit into their definition of sincerity, intelligence or dedication. You may be an introvert who doesn't like to talk much, while others in your group are overly social. Or you might be a social butterfly while everyone around you wants to keep to themselves. It is okay to retreat and take a much-deserved break from everyone. That does not make you anti-social. And yes, there will always be people who will paint that picture of yours, but that's not the truth.

This brings me to my next point. It is something which I struggle with the most. You need not explain your actions to anyone else. Unless what you do is intentionally malicious, how mannerisms, thoughts, preferences and clothes are your business alone. These are not shortcomings. Every time we make desperate attempts at apologising or providing explanations, we give power to those who shame us. If given an opportunity, people would shame you for your emotions (the most complicated things); outer appearances and preferences are minuscule.

Misfits have every reason to be as proud of themselves as everyone else is. One, because almost everyone is a misfit and two because we add colours to the otherwise beige life that is so archetypal of homogeneity. Okay, maybe the last point was an exaggeration, but my point remains. Rather than being focused on what everyone else believes is the standard way, let us focus on personal goals and realise our priorities. Trust me, I know it is easier said than done.

I won't focus on how many of the most successful people we know today were once misfits because that somehow does not feel comforting. The thought of not fitting in is scary. Sure, it is important to relate with others and try to solve life's jigsaw puzzle. But maybe, just maybe, let's stop forcing ourselves to blend in all the time.

Being a Misfit

In 23 years of my existence, the only feeling that has been constant is that of being a mi

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