"The most important thing each of us can know is our unique gift and how to use it in the world."
If you never try, you'll never know.
Yesterday was quite the journey. I embarked on something that I've never done before, and if you know me, I love "the firsts." As I dive deeper into "what more is out there that I haven't seen, felt, experienced," it leads me to a bio-reboot program.
We'll get into the spectacular journey and more detail about my experience, but it started with two shots in my neck to reset the fight or flight state, Stellate Ganglion Blocks, and a powerful, stunning, lovely, psychedelic ketamine drip iv therapy.
I'm sure some will read this with eyebrows a tad high, maybe even scratching their head, "why is he sharing this publicly," it might even be a bit off-putting, and that's ok.
What I love most about life is this burning desire to gather new perspectives, strolling down the beaten path where we've been programmed not to go. We have been programmed to choose a life of consumption versus a life of action, to ask little questions, follow, and do as we're told versus lead with a curious inquiry.
Anywho, I'll try to do my best to explain why I intentionally practice and participate in different psychoactive therapies.
It's 2022, and it's never been more challenging to be a human. We've never had more access to 'things,' but most of the 'things' are what's causing our big blue and green 'thing' to suffocate while she also does the same to us slowly.
All this to say, is we as human beings were not meant to exist in the conditions we currently do. The human-built world is not, in fact, built for humans. The pace of change has never been faster, the overstimulation, the lack of nutrients in our food.
In innumerable ways, we bend ourselves to fit the pattern of a techno-economic order that exists for its own sake and not for ours.
"Modern citizens who want to pursue a successful career face a situation that is without clear boundaries or limits, and this prevents them from recognizing an alternative to their self-directed 'lifelong learning and decision-making.' Their comings and goings, their progress and well-being, their flourishing and ruination depend on their adaptation to diverse systems. In particular, they have to learn to function and compete in symbiosis with current economic conditions. A tolerant acceptance of these conditions is no longer enough. One has to learn to identify with them. In the mills of the new economy, where positioning is all, the grit is supposed to grind itself so fine that it becomes grease for the gears."
Our own technologically induced patterns of restlessness can be profoundly unhealthy. Our phones, after all, function as an interface between us and a vast network of communication and commerce: in practice, do they principally serve our interests or those of the network? I think we all know the answer to that.
We know we aren't slowing down, it's only going to continue to move faster, and as we do, we lose perspective more quickly; shells over hearts develop more rapidly and become stronger. We lose sight of what's right in front of our eyes because we've been gaslit by propaganda when we walk down the street, scroll on the phone, on the radio, in the news etc etc etc...
Now I could go on and on, and I'm sure you're ready for me to stop rambling and get back to my experience and thoughts about psychoactive therapies.
When I said Two Shots to the neck, it sounded a bit harsher than it was. An excellent little sedation, and they both felt like tiny kitten bites gnawing on the skin. I immediately felt an opening in my chest, and it was as if a gardener reached down and pulled all the dirty roots surrounding my heart.
As we slowly walked into the next room, the doctors placed me on this cozy little bed in a nook. I felt held, soft, and highly open; the elephants were finally not stampeding on my chest.
The doctor hooked my IV, gave me some gentle guidance on what the next hour would be, tucked me in, and glided a silk mask over my eyes and comfy headphones over my ears.
Time to sink in.
As the medicine massaged its way through my bloodstream, I felt the body slowly transform into elegant stardust. The euphoric soundscape music guided me on a journey; I was strolling into the unknown, removing myself from the body and returning to my purest form.
The shooting stars in the cosmos.
So many answers began to unfold, most profound truths were sent to me like Zeus throwing a thunderbolt to your forehead. I was locked in.
As I left my body, I began to travel outside of earth; weaving and drifting into the most stunning formations I have ever seen. I couldn't help but speak out loud my deepest gratitude. I began seeing the faces of those I love most (both alive and transitioned), honoring them, loving them. I saw bits and pieces of our music project in the future, playing the main stage at Coachella in 2024. The clarity of how we all came onto the stage was like it was happening at this very moment. I remember looking over at Phina as we walked onto the stage, and my words were, "this is what we were born to do."
I continued to move into different worlds and creations, I soared over rich red breathing rose beds, the most astonishing thing my mind, body, heart, soul, and spirit had ever seen or felt.
I watched parts of the future unfold as the gentle whispers of 'let go' constantly tickled my soul.
As I drifted deeper and deeper into the depths of the Universe, Earth was no longer in site….the message was clear,
"You are so small. Let go. There's nothing to prove, only to be."
Weight lifted, I had never felt so light and soft.
I became something so pure and bigger than 'myself,' the humble mysteries that words will never be able to explain.
Ooooofsaaaa
These types of therapies, for me, crack the shells of perspective & hardness. Allow me to truly feel what we simply cannot experience in this human-made world.
When perspectives shift, so does awareness.
Shells over the heart and our perspectives multiply in today's day and age, and the more tools we have to keep them at levels so we can see more clearly, hear more precisely, love more deeply, touch more gently, taste more cleanly, smell more exquisitely are all here….
Fear is what's kept us away from these practices.
We have to travel into the unknown.
As someone who has gone through their fair share of mental, emotional, and physical abuse, these practices and treatments allow me to tap back into my purest form.
What's right for me may not be suitable for you,
but it's why we all need to have a little more inquiry.
You may not, in the end, agree with my or others' conclusions, but seriously considering other perspectives should at least help us to ask better, more fundamental questions about the human-built world, or, perhaps more importantly, about the beliefs, values, and interests that shape it.
May you consider that the human-built world is not, in fact, built for humans? And, of course, this is to say nothing of what the human-built world has meant for the non-human world. What's more, it may be paradoxically the case that the human-built world will prove finally inhospitable to human beings precisely to the degree that it was built for humans without regard for humanity's continuity with the other animals and the world we inhabit together.