When I first started reading self-help books, I heard this constant reference to “owning your story.” But I could not figure out what that meant. What does that look like or feel like? How do I know what I’ve achieved completion of the task?
But what does that even mean?!
Short answer: It means being honest with yourself about your life experiences. The good, the bad, the ugly.
Longer answer: Our stories are the compilation of events, emotions, ideas, and relationships we hold in our memories and bodies. They drive how we see and interact with the world. Owning those stories is accepting our role in mistakes, not holding blame that isn’t ours, or carrying shame for being human. It’s accepting that we’re human and will be amazing and fuck up throughout our lives.
How do you know if you’re disconnected from your stories?
When that experience surfaces, it brings a host of uncomfortable feelings; shame, guilt, and resentment, to name a few. That uncomfy feeling may drive us to want to numb the feeling or quickly shove that story away. But, when you feel yourself shutting down, it’s time to dig in.
So how do you start to own those complex stories?
Most of us don’t struggle with owning our accomplishments. Maybe some work to not feeling guilty for being such a rockstar or learning to let yourself boast with pride.
It’s the hard stories that take the real work. Acknowledging the uncomfortable feelings that arise is the first step. Naming those feelings. Letting your body just sit in those feelings for a bit and slowly learn to move through the anxiety or grief that may arise. You might do this in the quiet morning hours with a cup of coffee and a journal or out loud with a therapist or trusted friend. There’s no right way.
The biggest truth; it’s a lifetime of work.
You’ll never check a box and simply be done with the task of owning your stories.
You’ll constantly be learning to honor your history, navigate your grief, and sit in the hard shit. But that’s the end goal, not completion, but learning to actively live in the process of owning and reshaping how your stories guide you through the world.