Mixed Martial Arts - You've never fought MMA. Actually, now that we're on the subject, you've never actually done any martial art. Or any sport. You're 5 foot 3, 300 pounds. I'll see you at the bar for the fights on the weekend, screaming at the fighters on TV to "HIT 'EM!". Nice Tapout shirt, btw, what is it, 2007?

Wrestling - You haven't actually wrestled in at least a decade, maybe more. At this point, all you really do for fun is make fun of Jiu-Jitsu people for being bad at wrestling, although you yourself would get submitted by every single man who dared scoot their butt at you. You cauliflower ear and you're weirdly strong.

BJJ - You're a dork. In addition to specializing in choking, locking, and aggressively hugging others, you also have some weird off-the-mat special interest. For some, it's locomotives. For others, it's the Roman Empire. For me, it's writing words on the internet.

Kickboxing/Muay Thai - You're graceful, calm, and cool. Your body movements are balletic. You're a master of 8 limbs. Are you a spider? An octopus? I'm not sure, but I'm jealous. You're highly cooridinated, and good at everything you do - except Jiu-Jitsu LOL.

Karate/Taekwondo - You started martial arts at a young age, and your favorite martial arts athlete is Daniel LaRusso. You became a black belt in 3 years, at age 11. You may or may not have tried to register your body as a deadly weapon. You have lots of Yu-Gi-Oh cards.