Have you ever read a personal growth guru who claims the reason you haven't achieved your goals is that you're self-sabotaging?

Sabotage is defined as:

Deliberately destroy, damage, or obstruct (something), especially for political or military advantage.+

That's heavy stuff! Can you imagine a coach saying to you, "Hey Darren, you've been deliberately destroying and damaging your progress and obstructing the path to achieving your goals?" If you were paying that person, you'd fire them on the spot for shaming you!

Why have we accepted this idea that we self-sabotage?

It's about safety (knowing how to respond).

How often have you bailed on doing something that was new, difficult, or unpleasant — even something you wanted more than anything?

It's not that you deliberately chose to destroy getting or doing what you wanted.

Rather, you didn't have productive neuro-associations to do so with confidence.

Neuro-associations are the links made in our brain between our experiences and our corresponding emotions and thoughts. A positive experience in life results in a wired positive neuro-association. It makes sense if you have negative neuro-associations, you will try to avoid repeating those experiences — even unconsciously.

From a neurobiological perspective, we're not self-sabotaging our goals and dreams — we're keeping ourselves safe from the unknown and the unpleasant.

Here's how to approach the unknown and the unpleasant.

Take the smallest step you can think of that builds upon something you know or a skill you already have.

If you've been struggling with a challenging goal, consider if your lack of skill is the cause of your resistance. The more unpleasant you feel, the greater the avoidance. Practice completing something small, followed by another small step, and so on.

This is how you wire for positive neuro-associations.

With this simple practice, you can overcome what's difficult, challenging, and new, one small and effective step at a time.

(+Lexico.com)