“And when nobody wakes you up in the morning, and when nobody waits for you at night, and when you can do whatever you want. What do you call it, freedom or loneliness?” - Charles Bukowski

In this quote, Bukowski forces us to think about whether the absence of external obligations and companionship should be perceived as freedom or loneliness.

This has been something I’ve been thinking about a lot recently.

And what better time do it than driving 3 and a half hours to San Diego alone?

As I drove “down the hill” into Palm Springs this past Thursday, I looked out at the windmill-lined hills that remind me so much of Spain. Our time together in Spain. Back when we were happily married.

After separating with my wife, I became multiple things.

Lost. Depressed. Sad. Angry. Broken. Lonely.

But almost a year and half later, I’ve become less of the above and more:

• Generally content

• Proud of myself

• Stronger

After a few days journaling and reflecting on this, here is my argument for freedom.

Autonomy and independence

Not having someone waking you up in the morning or waiting for you at night implies a sense of autonomy and independence.

It means that you have the freedom to structure your day how YOU want. No external constraints. Not having to worry about others’ priorities. This feeling of independence can be empowering and liberating vs. lonely.

Self-discovery and growth

Having the freedom to do whatever you want gives you more opportunities for self-discovery and personal growth.

Without the influence or expectations of a significant other, you can explore your own interests, passions, and desires freely. This freedom lets you develop a deeper understanding of yourself, which can be incredibly enriching and fulfilling.