It has finally dawned on me.

My daydreaming is really me just running from things where I don’t feel that I am in control. What has brought me this to a head has come from the commitment to read Bhante G’s (Gunaratana) book

“8 Mindful Steps to Happiness: Walking the Buddha’s Path”

Since July or August I have been reading and listening to this book daily. I started by just listening to in on my morning walk. It would be the only thing I will listen to for the entire week, Monday through Friday.

Then it dawned on me that I should focus on one chapter at a time. So for 8 weeks I did one chapter at a time. Each time I began to gather more and more insight that I had missed by just powering through the books.

The real breakthrough in understanding this content came when I combined listening to one chapter with read one chapter. Since I have been doing that I am beginning to have the vocabulary of Buddha’s path internalize.

So when did it dawn on me?

Over and over in this book Bhante G keeps talking about practicing on the cushion and in life. I didn’t know that my distractions with the future. My long periods planning and preparing for the future is when I am attached to or trying to avoid some emotional stress.

I like being in control. I like to know things are going to work out in my favor.

When that is not happening, I have a tendency to distract myself with some future planning. I will escape in a book, I will do anything but the task at hand. When I am facing the unknown, my practiced behavior is avoidance not curiosity.

The two Fetters that drive my distraction are: Gross Greed and Hatred (Craving and Aversion)