Everyone struggles with worrying about what others think about you.

Personally, I have for years. Whenever I'd meet my family at birthday parties, meet friends of friends, or even at work, I'd feel the constant nag of "What are they thinking about me?"

But what changed for me was realizing that this is a story in my head. As soon as that clicked, I started to understand that overcoming what others thought about me wasn't that hard (truthfully, it can be at times)—I was mainly doing the wrong thing.

Here's what I should have done instead:

"The Story My Mind is Creating..."

Our mind frequently makes up stories based off vague and little information (e.g. someone's tone, eye roll, sigh) - Dr. Brene Brown calls these stories conspiracies and confabulations.

Our brain often seeks safety and rewards our brain for completing the story to keep us safe, even if it's false.

For example, if I'm talking with my co-worker about my day and they sigh as I'm talking, my brain will immediately create stories "They think I'm boring," or "They're pissed at me!"

What I learned to do is to stop the negative spiraling of the story by telling myself "Ok, I'm caught in a story right now."

Then, I dig deeper about why I'm hooked by either:

1. using journal prompts,

2. go outside, take a few deep breaths, and remind myself "I don't have all the information right now. I'll check-in with them in a few minutes. What do I need right now to stay in my integrity?"

The funny thing is that whenever I check-in with people about my stories, 100% my stories have been completely false. We end up laughing together about it and we deepen our trust and respect for one another.

From what I learned, stories play a powerful role in our lives.

We can choose to let the story shape our lives, or, like in Dr. Brene Brown's words, "we get to write the ending."