Last week, I was in the middle of moderating a Strategic Planning Day for a business. I saw a notification email from a client. "We are moving in another direction." This after multiple revisions of the curriculum, agreement on the budget, confirmation of timeline and time of day. I was disappointed, but couldn't show it.

Here are what members of my Mastermind recommend when you're getting emotional at work:

Compartmentalize: Divorce coach Victoria McCooey coaches her clients to look at their calendars, mark a time when he/she will be able to feel their emotions fully, then let it all out then. Compartmentalizing when to let the emotions out, and knowing there is space for it, takes the pressure off in the immediate moment.

I knew that I was on an intense sprint with the current client until 5pm. There was no time for distractions. Afterwards, I was meeting my friend at 6pm. I would process my disappointment on a walk between 5 and 6pm. I put on my big Upper East Side socialite sunglasses on that suddenly hot summer New York City day and walked up 5th Avenue twenty blocks. I felt the disappointment. I felt the anger. I had put a ton of work into that pitch and thought "What questions should I should have asked earlier in the pitch? What would I have done differently?"

Label the emotion. As you can imagine, nothing is more intense or heated than a hostage negotiation. Chris Voss is a former FBI negotiator and teaches a tactic to gain distance from an emotion and de-escalate a situation: Label it. Labeling the emotion ("I see you are disappointed") immediately forces a part of the brain (the amygdala) to lessen the chemicals that are coursing through it.

In order to put the part of the brain that controls logical thinking back in charge again, YOU can also label the emotion. "Hey John, I'm being defensive." This gives you distance from the source of the anger. 

And reassess. "I'm angry because I've put alot of hard work into this project, but I see your advice as a valid point." That puts the logical brain back in the driver's seat.

Allison Holzer, co CEO of InspireCorps, asks clients "where in their bodies do they feel the emotion?" Again, this exercise, puts distance between the thing that is causing tears to well up, and puts the pre-frontal cortex, the part of the brain that does deep thinking and logical thinking, back in charge again.

Hit Pause. Take 5 minutes if the emotions are too intense. Manage everyone's expectations and say aloud "I need 5 minutes." Clear your head. Take a deep breath. Then return. Everyone has a right to take a break.

🔵 Indra Nooyi, the former CEO of Pepsi, spoke to members of The Samita Lab Mastermind in January. When an idea of hers was rejected, she advised 'take a strategic break'. Suggested language when you come back: "Maybe what I said didn't land in the best way. So let me say it another way."

🔵 OR hit pause as things are getting heated. Suggested language: "I'm getting upset here. I need to cool down a bit. Let's discuss later. This is an important issue to resolve." or "Let's table this for now."

I head up a Mastermind for senior women leaders and business owners who have certainty around a goal and want to make it their reality in a year. We are enrolling for the October cohort. How ready are you to get your goal? Take this assessment. Based your score, my team will reach out to you and schedule a call.

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