Your negative story that replays in your mind can be changed.

Ask yourself how the negative story you tell yourself is holding you back. Does the story include the words “I can’t” or “I am scared”?

This negative story is likely the source of a message you took on as a child. There might have been a specific event that stands out in your memory. It could have been a series of events that occurred over time. It is different for everyone.

What if you could go back in time and re-write the message?

A word of caution. The event might have been highly traumatic, so “re-visiting” the event may not be a good idea unless you have the support of a professional who can help you manage the trauma.

In my case, the event was the death of my father. My mother prevented me from spending time with him in his last hours.

I made up a story about a closed door at the end of the passage. It was the door to my dad’s bedroom, which I was not allowed to enter because he was dying.

My story includes parts I made up about not being loved by my mother. I have since discovered that it is my stuff and not hers.

For a long time, I felt embarrassed about falling into the stereotype of having mommy issues and not being loved enough by my mother. I have since discovered over many years of facilitating men’s work that my story is not unusual. Everyone has their story.

The events of your past might be so painful that you want to avoid thinking about them.

These events might well be the source of a shadow that unconsciously drives your behaviour. It is a part of you that you hide, repress, and deny.

I had the opportunity to “re-visit” that night in June 1992 when my dad died. I was 19 years old at the time. I went back in time and carried with me the wisdom of a 40-year-old man. I was able to face the scenario of the closed door with maturity.

Over the last ten years, I have had many “empty chair” conversations with my mother about that night. I have also been able to “relive the last hours of my dad’s life” and write a new ending.

I have seen dozens of men visit their past events and re-write the message they took on as a child. It takes courage.

Re-writing the old negative message and creating a positive new story is like seeing the world through a new pair of glasses. Suddenly you can focus your attention on new opportunities rather than past inadequacies.