I've been a member of the kink community going on 15 years. I've had a wide range of experiences, terrible and wonderful, each with its own rewards and lessons to take with me as I grow into a better kink practitioner.
For many kinky folks, BDSM is all about sexuality and exploring our physical and emotional responses to different activities. Once they leave the bedroom, though, the kink stays behind. That works well for them.
For me, there has always been more to it. I am a 24/7 kinkster, meaning I implement kink practices in everyday aspects of my life, primarily via power exchange.
Power exchange refers to a relationship dynamic in which one person willingly offers control of negotiated and agreed upon aspects of their lives to another, who willingly accepts that control.
The person granted control is the Dominant, and the person offering up control is the submissive. People who enjoy either role are called switches.
I am a switch, but I am typically submissive in my power exchange dynamics. The control I offer my Dominant depends upon the partner and our individual and collective desires and limits (things out of bounds).
Right now, my Dominant and I are involved in what is primarily an accountability-based exchange. I've coined the title "AccountabiliDom" for him and think I'm pretty clever for it. He doesn't praise me enough for that if you ask me. 😜
But the relationship is central to my life, despite him and I not being in a classical relationship.
Communication is the glue of the entire exchange:
We have negotiated what we each want and need from the other and the dynamic.
We have shared where our boundaries are and what we can and cannot offer.
We remain in contact more than daily, and when that cannot happen, it is planned for and discussed.
Expectations of me as submissive and consequences are clearly communicated, and I am always granted the opportunity to weigh in or express concern.
We are open with one another when things come up. There is very little I would not be able to tell my Dom; I trust him because he has shown me that I can through both his actions and words.
Even when it is scary or challenging, we are honest. Without this, the entire dynamic is pointless. Neither of us gets the things we want or need from it because the sense of control and trust are gone. I offered him control. I have to give him the information he needs to exercise that control, especially when it is difficult.