In the first part of this series, I introduced the structure of my relationship with my AccountabiliDom. I explained how he and I honor each other's preferences, needs, and limits. We value clear, consistent, and honest communication.
In this installment, I'll share more about our daily interactions and how they enhance my life for the better. I will refer at times to my Dominant as Sir.
Most of our dynamic is structured around accountability. I have a set of rules that he and I have negotiated and agreed upon. They are all meant to be things that are for my own well-being. He intends to help me get better at holding myself to the things I want and need to do to be a fulfilled and healthy person.
My mental health issues make executive functioning highly challenging for me. Time management, task initiation, transitions, prioritizing, planning, emotional regulation, and maintaining consistent routines are all domains in which I massively struggle.
I receive treatment for my mental health but employ strategies in my everyday life that help me manage these difficulties. The main one is to use power exchange to help hold me accountable for my self-determined goals.
I've had Dominants in the past who have made all choices for me, making it such that some of these troublesome skills were no longer obstacles for me. The issue was that once I was no longer in the dynamic, I floundered and was even more out of the routine of doing for myself.
AccountabiliDom most recently stepped in after this happened. I was spiraling, and he simply told me to go to bed at a particular time. Because we had a past dynamic, I knew he was helping me gain control by taking some choices away from me. It flipped my thoughts off, and I have been on a growth path since.
Total Power Exchange (TPE) is descriptive of a dynamic in which the submissive offers control of everything in their life to the Dominant, apart from agreed-upon limits. As attractive as TPE is to me, and as much as I have enjoyed it in the past, it is simply not feasible or healthy. It causes a deficit in my ability to do for myself. I have to maintain the executive functioning skills I do have by constantly practicing.
One thing that works really well for me is that Sir constantly reminds me that the routines are not for his benefit. They are for me. He gets fulfillment from guiding me through my growth, and I get to be cared for and have support in areas of my life that I need it.
Many of my rules are timeliness based since I struggle so much with that. Sir and I have agreed upon privileges he may remove or punishments he may give if I fail to meet a required task without an approved reason.
As I get better at things, he adapts it to challenge me. For example, I have a bedtime, and when I was consistently on time but always on the dot, he made the goal to message him a few minutes before bed. He was helping me work on being early and proactive in my planning instead of waiting to the very last minute scrambling about.
There are sexual components to some of this, sometimes in how rewards and punishments play out. Still, most of the interactions are not about that.
Power exchange is a turn-on for me, but there is something much deeper than that for me. A submissive thrives on that and needs to do well for them in most instances. When I earn his praise, I know I have made him proud, and there is little better in the world for me than pleasing my Dominant.
I hope that Sir always receives as much joy and value from our dynamic in his life as he sees the growth that he has helped foster in me. I've done the work and made great strides. Still, they have been more far-reaching than those I might have achieved without his dominance, care, persistence, patience, and accountability.