A note: I am a member of the BDSM community and choose to offer control of particular aspects of my life to my Dominant, who I will refer to as Sir here. This is a fully consensual online-based fully-negotiated relationship based on the exchange of power between two risk-aware, consistently communicating adults.

This morning Sir and I were chatting about a punishment I am currently serving, and the idea of the punishment being fun to him came up. I whined at him, as I am known to do frequently, and he said, "but it isn't about my fun, it is about your learning."

I told him that he can have fun while still making me learn what he intends for me from the scenario. Sir and I were discussing a somewhat controversial topic in the kink world: punishment vs. funishment.

Punishment is intended to cause real behavior change in a submissive. It is not intended to be enjoyable, often the exact opposite. When Sir punishes me, it is usually devastating because I know I have disappointed him, and all I want is to please him by being obedient and meeting or exceeding his expectations of me.

Funishment is when something that looks and sounds like a punishment is done for the enjoyment of one or both parties. The difference is purely in the mindset. Since there is no infraction, there is no disappointing Sir. He is being "mean" because we both enjoy it. He is a sadist, and I am a masochist.

Back to our morning chat. Sir said he would not be meaner at the expense of my joy, considering that my current punishment is not a thing I enjoy at all.

So I explained that as long as I know the purpose, I will be happy. Punishment is punishment more because I know I have disappointed him. That's the most upsetting aspect. Funishment is an opportunity to suffer for his pleasure, which brings me satisfaction. It also brings the endorphin rush of his praise and admonishment without actually having failed him in any way. Funishment is a form of service for me, at times a game we both enjoy. A challenge and chance to grow that isn't a result of something negative having happened.