We want it all don’t we? We want to be able to do whatever we want, stay in bed if we want to, not to do anything that makes us uncomfortable, lounge about, run about and roam where we want to. We want our ideas taken seriously, to be listened to and for others to put them into practice as that’s gives us a feeling of respect.

And yet, we also want to earn more money than we really need, praise heaped on us by others, to be liked and have a purpose so that we get excited about life. We want the people around us to be self sufficient and not need our help too often.

Conflicts of interest

Obviously, a lot of these things are mutually exclusive! No one will listen  to us if we don’t listen to others. If we lounge about and stay in bed, then we are not going to be paid well.

We don’t want people walking through our garden, yet want the right to roam across the countryside. At what size does a garden become land we have the right to walk through?

If we don’t praise and appreciate others, then why do we expect the same back?

If we don’t help others, why do we expect to be helped? Examples of this abound at the moment. Some, for their own reasons legitimate or not,  refuse to get vaccinated against covid but are happy to turn up at the hospital for help when it happens to them.

If we won’t let ourselves be uncomfortable, doing the things we don’t want to do, we would never get good at anything. Everything is hard at first. Because it is new. I personally believe only the hard things are worth doing.

Just what is it that you want to do?

Internal conflicts of interest lead to mental conflict. Conflict leads to stress. Why do you want to do that to yourself ?

It is impossible to do everything you want, be everything you want and earn everything you want. You know why? Because when you get there, you will want  a little bit more. A little more praise, a little more money, a little more free time.

Acceptance

Life is bleeding hard a lot of the time. Illness and death abound and we can do nothing about it. Let’s not make it harder on ourselves though this internal conflict.

• Decide why you want.

• Then go after that.

Others, (wives, husbands, friends, colleagues, society) will want different things from you. But, quite frankly, stuff ‘em. If they love you they will understand. If they don’t then who cares what they think?

The following is all under my mantra that I can do what I want as long as it doesn’t hurt others. That’s the number one rule!

If your partner wants you to earn more money and that will mean you doing something you don’t want to; Tell them to earn it.

If you’re expected to help someone and you would rather help another, do that.

If you want to stay in bed, have a duvet day and it doesn’t impinge on others, then do that.

It is so important to have a list of things that matter to you most, write them down. Then write down what you wouldn’t like to do and if they are conflicting weight it up and decide which trumps which.

For example:

Earn more money so can spend  more on kids to give them a ‘better life’

That will mean more time spent at work. More stress and maybe more money.

That means less time spent with kids, a poorer mood when you are with them, missing out on school plays (that could be a bonus!)  and therefore not as good a relationship. But hey, the extra money will mean a ‘better life’! What will lead to the better outcome for you?

Staying in bed : immediate comfort. But, less likely to achieve what you want to. What is more important? If you really want to achieve it, you’ll jump out! If not, stay there and order delivery breakfast!

The 14th Dalai Lama sums it up well, and who wouldn’t want this:

Inner peace leads to a peaceful individual and then this peaceful individual can build a peaceful family, then a peaceful community, then a peaceful world