1. Imagine Being Stuck in an Elevator With Them

I once got stuck in an elevator with half a dozen people I barely knew. I later ended up marrying a girl in that group.

It was my second year of college. The night before, I'd met some people in the dorms and thought they'd be fun to hang out with.

The next day we were all standing around after an activity when we decided to see some friends of one of the guys in the group.

The way up in the elevator was just fine, but when we were heading down one kid had the brilliant idea that we should all jump. You know, because it's fun to feel yourself going higher as the elevator descends while you jump.

None of us thought of what was going to happen when we came down, though, and moments later we were all stuck inside a broken elevator.

Over the next hour or so while we waited for the mechanic to arrive we were forced to get to know each other better.

Going through this difficult thing together let us reveal our individual vulnerabilities faster than we would have otherwise. We got to connect more deeply than you normally do with new people. And it was wonderful.

We spent the whole school year together and I had more fun than I think I've ever had with a group of people. Even better, a couple of years after that I married one of the girls in the group. But that’s a story for another day.

The point here is that when you go through something difficult with somebody, even if you can only imagine doing so, you’ll connect with them more deeply.

2. Have a List of Questions Ready to Ask At Any Time

When I was 19 years old I spent two years in the UK as a missionary. We’d spend almost 10 hours every day just talking to people. As a kid who lacked confidence, it was one of the most difficult things I’ve ever done.

But I figured it out, it made me better, and I realized by the end that I love connecting with people.

In those two years, I discovered that the key to getting to know others is to ask them questions about themselves. That's what I did in the elevator, but the trial just accelerated the depth of the questions I could ask.

You can’t do this if you’re unprepared though. You’ve got to try a bunch of questions and see what fits your personality and what people respond well to.

Eventually, you’ll memorize those questions. You can then use them anytime you meet someone new. Here are a few really basic ones to get you started:

• Where are you from?

• What do you do for work? Do you like that?

• How’d you meet your spouse?

• What do you like to do for fun?

I’m the kind of person that loves to go deeper than this but I’ve found that when you’re just getting to know people, simple questions are best.

3. Get Emotional Rest By Being Alone Frequently

My Dad has been to hundreds of life events for his former 3rd-grade students. We counted one year and it was almost 80 different events that he’d been to.

He’s remembered many of his kid's birthdays even years after they were. in his class. He’ll often drop by their houses to give them a candy bar on their birthday.

People are always telling me what an amazing man he is and they all wonder how he does it. I may not have all of his secrets, but I know that he does this because he loves it, for one. But to keep up with it he spends time recharging so he has the emotional energy.

Most people don’t realize that for all the time he's doing things for others, my Dad spends a lot of time alone. He’ll go on long drives, fish, and camp at the ranch that my grandpa grew up on. All by himself.

He has the energy to do all that he does for others because he takes time to recover by being alone.

If you want to connect with others, you must do the same. Regularly be by yourself doing things you love. It will recharge your emotional battery so that you can more deeply connect with and care for everybody you meet.

Wrapping Up

Whether you realize it or not, you crave connection. You need it to survive. This is built into all of us as human beings. Connecting with others will bring you more happiness than anything else in this world. And following these three tips will help you get more of it.