For over 10 years, I worked as a restaurant server.

I never upsold desserts or appetizers or extras of any kind. I gave amazing service and made great money. I didn’t want to optimize for higher checks. It didn’t feel right. 

But why? 

Many of the people I worked with who were really lovely humans regularly upsold. I didn’t think any less of them for it. If anything, I wanted some of what they had.

As I build my business, selling is no longer optional. So I’m digging into what’s really going on with my lifelong resistance to sales. 

Here are 4 unhelpful beliefs keeping you from being a sales rockstar:

1. Selling feels sleazy.

What is so gross about offering a service to someone who might need or want it?

We refer to all those sleazy salespeople out there and how we just don’t want to be associated with them. But I honestly don’t come across many of those kinds of people.
Of course we won’t be sleazy. It just feels really uncomfortable.

What to do about it?

• Write down all the services you’ve bought in the last year and you’ll likely notice there wasn’t a whole lot of sleaze.

• If you’re buying from shifty people, stop. 

• Accept that this is an excuse and that you’ll need to lean into the discomfort.

2. What if I can't deliver?

If you haven’t done it before, then it’s natural to have some doubts. I have years of experience and know I have what it takes to deliver but somehow I still wonder if I’ll screw things up somehow.

What to do about it?

• Imagine in great detail what it will be like to deliver your service, your client smiling and thanking you. 

• Write down all that could go wrong and what you can do to mitigate or fix any issues should they come up.

3. Feeling responsible for your potential client’s actions. 

This is fundamentally about feeling like we need to take care of others’ emotions and wellbeing. I’ve had a lot of buyer’s remorse and it feels terrible. And I don’t want people to feel that.

What to do about it?

• Show up with an open heart and listen. That will take the focus off your trying to manage someone else’s emotions.

• Realize that you’re not convincing or even persuading, you’re sharing something that might help. What they decide to do is on them. 

4. Your potential client has the power.

We can feel like we need them more than they need us. That’s because we are seeing the money as the most valuable element in the transaction. Whoever needs or gets the money is at a disadvantage.

What to do about it?

Approach the exchange as happening between equals. There are all kinds of emotions and thoughts running through both your heads. You’re in this together. Both of you are trying to figure out if this is a fit. 

None of these suggestions are easy to put in practice but what’s key is to play around with shifting your perspective. Give as much air time to seeing how selling is a good thing as you do to denouncing it. 

It’s vital to succeeding in business.