“We don’t drink”.

These three words changed my life.

This was the most powerful instance of identity shift in my life.

I was maybe 3 months sober at the time. My girlfriend and I were on a date night, trying out Mi Taco, a new (and delicious) taco restaurant in my neighbourhood. The owner asked if we wanted to try their take-home margarita kit. Reflexively, without thinking about it, I replied “we don’t drink”.

In that moment, something shifted inside of me. I knew in that moment that I would never drink again.

How we describe ourselves has a powerful effect on how we see ourselves.

Until that moment, I had been “trying to quit alcohol”. After that moment, alcohol simply had no role in my life.

We all have a part of our brain that maintains an idea of who we are. This part of our brain is over-active in those of us who are neurotic and anxious. Alcohol, interestingly, sedates this part of our brain. It’s why we feel uninhibited when we are intoxicated. It’s why we blackout when we overconsume and can do unconscionable things that trigger regret when we learn of them sober.

Part of becoming sober is reconciling the parts of ourselves that we are ashamed of. The parts of us that we drank to hide. The parts of us that only became darker as our addiction becomes worse.

This isn’t some fake it til you make it bullshit.

If I’d been hungover and nauseous replying to the guy “no thanks, I don’t drink” — this would not have had any effect on me, because it would have been a lie.

In fact, dishonesty and shame play a major role in addiction. When we feel the need to hide our affliction out of shame we perpetuate the very same patterns that cause us to drink more.

But once I’d lived long enough without my addiction, and I knew that I was better for it, there was no shame — only pride — in admitting that “I do not drink.”