Thank you Chris Voss for writing, "Never Split the Difference. Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on it!"

You have given me valuable tools that I employ, that I use, and that help me in ALL aspects of life.

Everything is a negotiation and the worst negotiation is the one you do not know that you are in.

Chris introduced me to a concept that he calls 'Tactical Empathy'

What Is Tactical Empathy? Chris Voss defines tactical empathy as the deliberate influencing of your negotiating counterpart's emotions for the ultimate purpose of building trust-based influence and securing deals. The ways you employ your voice, labels, mirrors, and dynamic silence all contribute to tactical empathy.

In my own words and experiences, Tactical Empathy is a series of techniques to gather information from someone else. It's an authentic way to understand the person you are speaking with to get their perspective and/or experience to realize where they are coming from.

Chris shares stories as the FBI lead negotiator in hostage situations and how people can use these tools he acquired in everyday conversations.

Here's my favorite.

Labeling. It is a powerful tool to understand what the other person wants or how they feel. He has three labels that work extraordinarily well.

It Sounds like....

It Seems like....

It Looks like....

When I'm in a conversation with someone and I mirror back what I just heard with one of these phrases, it's incredible. People either re-phrase what they said because I didn't identify correctly what they were feeling or I get a "That's Right!"

It's like they feel understood, validated, or appreciated.

I'm not necessarily agreeing with them, I'm acknowledging how they feel back to them. I'm listening to what they are saying without judging them for saying it.

I'm inviting you to think about using these labels in everyday conversations starting with leaving me a comment.