I confess to being a bit of a packrat.

My complex attachment to "stuff" goes back to being an adoptee. Somewhere deep in my mind, the fear of abandonment latched onto objects. I transferred that fear into feeling guilty letting items go.

Now as a fifty-year-old, I'm realizing just how problematic this connection to things has become.

“Out of clutter, find simplicity.” – Albert Einstein

I admire those who can live minimally.

Tidy homes, everything in its place - this is a world that is completely alien to me. Yet among the stuff, my life is pretty simple. I get up, I get my son to school, I work, then I come home and enjoy my hobbies.

With that in mind, I'm looking to where I can focus on the simplicity of my lifestyle and release what doesn't serve.

“The first step in crafting the life you want is to get rid of everything you don't.” – Joshua Becker

Guilt is a tough master.

I have objects that I feel I have to keep for some unwritten, nonsensical code of honor. Old photographs and objects from past relationships that honestly have no practical value anymore. Family objects that I don't connect to sit quietly in my office.

They tend to control who I am, and I don't want that anymore.

“Clutter is not just physical stuff. It’s old ideas, toxic relationships and bad habits.” – Eleanor Brownn

Growing up, my mother said that I hated change.

As I've gotten older, I realized that it was that complex fear of abandonment that was expressing itself, not a hatred of change. I embrace change - as long as I feel I have some control over it. When I don't, it tends to spiral into struggling with fears over completely unrelated emotions and relationships that I boxed up and put away without really dealing with them because they were painful.

Often times the unexpected changes tends to kick over that mental shelf of boxed emotions, and my brain begins to go down a spiral of unrelated issues that have nothing to do with the change at hand.

The important thing is that I am finally recognizing those trappings and why they happen.

Now I just need to face the physical and mental clutter to allow myself that beautiful clarity - both in house and thought - so I can live my latter years the best way possible.