Yesterday afternoon as I was getting my nails done at my neighborhood shop, I watched the TV on the wall. The Army-Navy game was on. And then a bright red breaking news banner flashed across the screen.

Active Shooter Situation at Brown - Developing Story.

My heart absolutely dropped.

The horror of America has come to my town.

I live roughly five miles from Brown University’s campus in Providence. The intersection shown on the news is where I was just on Friday afternoon to grab lunch - there’s a poke bowl place I like to visit there on a regular basis. I enjoy hitting a couple of stores regularly on Thayer Street. I’m not an alum of Brown University - my scores were nowhere near high enough to even bother to try applying - but because it’s in the town I’ve loved living in for 20 years, I feel fiercely protective of the university community.

As Big Papi said about Boston back in 2013 after the Marathon bombings - This is our fucking city.

I’ve been doing peaceful entries all month about the little things I am grateful for. Today, I’m struggling to find that gratitude. I know it will come back this week - but the shock is still a bit too raw, the news a bit too recent. I need to blow off the steam and reground myself so I can think clearly. I apologize for the negative entry. I’m fighting the urge to not be political today. I probably will just keep that for my own handwritten journal.

So things that I am thankful for today:

I am grateful for the students who had the presence of mind to hide and protect themselves. They shouldn’t have to. It infuriates me that they had to.

I am grateful for the volunteers that came to the aid of the students who were wounded. My understanding is that the volunteers were students themselves.

I am grateful for the mayor of Providence, who held himself with composure and reminded everyone not to trust social media because of all of the misinformation that will swirl around.

I am grateful for the companies that closed early - even ones across downtown - to get people off the streets with that murderer on the loose.

I am grateful for the first responders and law enforcement who have worked for the past day to figure this disaster out.

I am grateful the powers that be at Brown have cancelled the remaining exams and assignments for the semester.

I am grateful to my friends who reached out to check if I was okay, even though I was thankfully not directly involved.

That gratitude is mixed with sorrow, anger, and confusion today.

Hold your loved ones close, folks. Yesterday was a reminder that tomorrow is never guaranteed.

~ Mel.