This week, I've been exploring pronouns, and what we gain and lose by using the singular "they" versus "he" and "she."

I've covered some of the benefits of each of those options.

Today, I'll get more personal.

I began learning about pronouns to be a better ally to people who identify as trans & non-binary.

But along the way, I learned how important this is to all of us.

Gender is a societal construct.

What makes traits "masculine" or "feminine" is dictated by the culture and time period.

Learning about pronouns has informed my own journey around gender identity.

In Western culture, feminine traits tend to include empathy, humility, and slowing down.

Masculine traits tend to include assertiveness, toughness, and being stoic.

If gender is a spectrum with masculine "he" on one end and feminine "she" on the other, I identify a lot more with the traits on the feminine end.

On the other hand, I very much look like a traditional man: my clothing, my hair, my stubble. Plus, I'm not sexually attracted to other guys.

Because of this mix, "they" is appealing to me.

It more accurately describes the combination of feminine and masculine traits I feel inside myself.

And, it's an act of rebellion—a pushing-back against the status quo that boxes us into only two possibilities.

So why do I still use "he/him" pronouns?

I've gone back and forth on daring to use "they/them" instead, but the big reason I've stuck with "he/him" is this:

I want to stay in my lane.

I'm a heterosexual, white, cisgendered guy (i.e., my gender identity largely corresponds with my birth sex).

I've gone through life with so many unearned advantages as a man.

Anyone who saw me walk by would 100% refer to me as "he" without a second thought.

That kind of ease isn't true for many people who identify as trans, non-binary, or gender-nonconforming.

And because they appear more ambiguous, they've had to deal with a lot of oppression and marginalization.

So, in my view, they deserve to use "they" more than I do, and I don't want to erase any of their life experience by claiming that pronoun for myself.

...

(I split this up; it's directly continued in Part 5.2, which I'll post in a moment)