Michelle Hutchings
2w ago
I help ambitious college students avoid burnout at top universities. Yale Chemistry PhD · Director of Ivy League STEM Program · Certified Coach
How to stop feeling like a failure when you don't execute at 100%
I've often committed to new opportunities only to beat myself up if it didn't go according to plan. It would look something like this:
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Be very excited in the beginning
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Start off completing everything at a high level of effort
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Inevitably get frustrated when I couldn't keep it up perfectly
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Worry that it will happen again at the next opportunity
If I didn't complete everything, I would tell myself I was wasting time or money and that I couldn't effectively judge my commitments.
What I realized was that this was eroding my self-trust. I needed to build self-authority instead.
Be ruthlessly honest about the time you can commit.
In January, I joined a year-long program that I was incredibly excited about, yet I often found myself forgetting to do the homework assignments.
There were many different aspects of this program: live lecture calls, small group practice calls, homework worksheets, asynchronous coaching, and an in-person event. While I did many of them, I found myself fixating on the ones I didn't do. I told myself I wasn't utilizing the full value if I didn't engage 100%.
I was treating my time like it was unlimited and not carving out time to complete assignments. No wonder I'd forget about them.
Determine the value you want to gain
When I only thought in terms of completion, and not about what I actually wanted to gain from the program, I was giving up my authority.
If we have three hours to go to a museum, is it only "worth it" if we to see every art single piece in the entire place? No. We determine what would be most important for us to see, and we enjoy the value it brings.
I realized that I needed to start thinking about my time and commitments in the same way.
Make sure there is a match between the two.
If there is a mismatch between the time you can commit and the value you want to gain, it will always feel like a failure.
This realization made the problem more concrete. If I gave myself the authority to determine what I would do or not do given my time constraints, then it became a matter of making sure time and value were aligned. I didn't have to do everything just because someone else said I should.
The problem becomes solvable.
What I learned is that you can give yourself the permission to redefine success.
Michelle Hutchings