On the edge. That's where many women with ADHD live. It's a tightrope walk, and one wrong step can feel like a fall.

We juggle expectations, navigate social cues that often feel foreign, and strive to maintain an appearance of effortless competence.

But beneath the surface, a different story often unfolds: the exhausting and often invisible struggle of masking. Masking, in the context of ADHD, is the conscious or subconscious act of suppressing ADHD traits to fit in. It's a survival mechanism, a way to navigate a world that often isn't built for neurodiversity.

We learn to mimic neurotypical behaviour, often from a young age.

We might force ourselves to make eye contact, meticulously plan and organise (even when our brains are screaming for spontaneity), and meticulously control our emotions to avoid appearing "too much".

For women, the pressure to mask can be particularly intense. Societal expectations often place a higher premium on women's emotional regulation and social grace. We're told to be quiet, polite, and accommodating, traits that can be especially challenging for those with ADHD.

This can lead to a phenomenon known as "internalising", where ADHD symptoms manifest as anxiety, depression, and low self-esteem, rather than the more outwardly disruptive behaviours often associated with the condition.

We become chameleons, adapting our personalities to fit the situation.

At work, we might be the picture of efficiency, meticulously managing our time and projects. At home, we might collapse, exhausted from the effort of maintaining the façade. The constant act of masking can lead to burnout, a sense of disconnect from our true selves, and a pervasive feeling of being an imposter.

The pressure to mask can also delay diagnosis. Women with ADHD are often overlooked because their symptoms don't always align with the stereotypical image of a hyperactive, disruptive child. We learn to hide our struggles so well that even we might not fully recognise them as ADHD.

But here's the thing: masking is unsustainable.

It takes a tremendous toll on our mental and emotional well-being. And while it might provide temporary relief from judgment or criticism, it ultimately prevents us from accessing the support and understanding we deserve.

Unmasking, while daunting, is essential for self-acceptance and healing. It's about recognising and embracing our neurodiversity, acknowledging our strengths and challenges, and finding strategies that work for us, not the neurotypical ideal. It's about giving ourselves permission to be ourselves, even if that means being "too much" or "different".

This journey of unmasking is not easy.

It requires courage, vulnerability, and a willingness to challenge societal expectations. But it's a journey worth taking.

Because when we finally shed the masks we've been wearing for so long, we can finally breathe, connect with our authentic selves, and step into the world with confidence and self-compassion.

We can finally stop walking the tightrope and simply be.

Women, ADHD, and the Art of Masking

This post explores the pressure to mask for women with ADHD, the impact it can have, and the power of unmasking.

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