Last Tuesday, I attended my first local Couchsurfing meetup since March.

It was like a breath of fresh air, an oasis after miles in the desert. I felt connected with my very social self and the other participants. A grueling but unconscious desire that has been around since April was satisfied.

Then I got the following insight:

The desire for achievement is, in reality, a desire for connection with others

To follow the logic of reasoning, ask yourself what extrinsic rewards you are looking for when achieving a certain outcome. For most people (me included), it is either recognition, impact, money, autonomy, higher status, or a combination of them.

However, recognition and higher status are not more than acceptance and connection with other people on a broader scale. The same goes for impact when you have delighted people. Money and autonomy are usually gateways to further involvement with people, whether it is status, networking, or other interesting options.

Nonetheless, all the extrinsic rewards all point to connecting with others, whether broadly or deeply. Instead of going the indirect path, you can directly seek connection and thus satisfy this need for achievement. Visit your family, hang out with your friends, meet new people, give to others, etc.

The bottom line

Let's be clear, I am definitely not telling you to stop achieving. However, be careful when this shiny object removes you from important relationships.

For example, I remember walking out of parties just to play more Pokemon Go. I was so obsessed with this particular goal that spontaneous interactions seemed unproductive. In hindsight, I think I would be much better off now if I dedicated more regular time to social interactions back then.

So make sure that you got all the relationship needs satisfied each week, and you are good to go.