[This is a quick diary entry, that I have a feeling I'll later regret publishing. But, oh well]

If I have a theme for this year, it is to be intentional with my pursuits and energy. I used to claim to have multiple passions & aspirations, but the truth is that only some of them are my genuine passions/strengths. The others I enjoy for sampling variety/novelty/ adventure (and will continue to, in a controlled manner), or some (more professionally related) which I only do coz' I think they'll keep me shiny in the job market.

As a telling (non professional) example:

I recall a well-meaning comment 3 years ago from a friend that triggered my defensiveness. I was telling her, about the long list of sporting activities I was pursuing: Lindy hop, badminton, running, cycling, swimming. I was considering going back to beginner level kickboxing. She said something to the lines of "Payal, you need to focus. What are your goals? This is very scattered."

Similarly, at work - I was trying to shoulder too many independent responsibilities, often causing overwhelm or stress. I know I delivered the jobs very well, but I was missing out on excellence, or pure enjoyment of seeking knowledge and of creating, or the thrill of contributing to a cause I truly believed in, because I spread myself too thin.

Seneca in Letter II from 'Letters from a Stoic' [Translation by Robert Campbell] articulates well how I felt - "To be everywhere is to be nowhere".

Now, I still will pursue some activities for personal joy and no external display, as is human. But, I am selecting a few areas where I consolidate most of my energy budget.

As an example, in terms of physical pursuits - while I continue to play other sports occasionally and socially - this year is mainly about running and swimming for me. I have come to really enjoy running and am in awe of the body and mental calm. A tangible goal is my first half marathon in October this year.