Filipinos' "hiya" culture is more than just about shyness, embarrassment, or shame. It's more about "saving face" and bringing respect or honor to ourselves, our family, or others.

Looking at this concept, we can say that it is ingrained deep in our veins, from the family to the higher units of society. While there are times when it's okay to feel "hiya," there are also times when it can limit us from what we like to do, especially when there are expectations for us.

Here are some reasons why I believe we should step back from this "hiya" culture:

#1. You're forced to do something you don't like.

"Dapat imbitahan mo lahat sa kasal nyo (kahit wala sa budget) kasi nakakahiya." or "Wag na lang kayong magpakasal kung hindi nyo rin iimbitahan ang lahat. Nakakahiya."

The hiya culture forces people to become people-pleasers. It gives us the mentality that we should do something, even if we don't like to or just can't, because we want to meet people's expectations or feel like it's the right thing.

It can also be voting for a known corrupt politician because you feel embarrassed not to support them after they gave you money, or because you know them personally.

"Hiya" culture can also be related to another Filipino concept of "Utang na Loob."

#2. You're urged not to do something you want to do.

"College graduate ka pero o-online selling ka lang? Nakakahiya." or "Valedictorian ka pero mage-education ka? Ano na lang ang iisipin ng iba? Nakakahiya."

I remember an honor student who wanted to study education in college, but his parents opposed it because they were afraid of what other people would say, so he was "forced" to become a doctor. This does not only happen at school, but also at home or work.

We Filipinos have a toxic desire to conform to what's expected, even if it doesn't align with what we want. It can be in education, career, or choosing our spouse.

#3. You tend to avoid confrontations.

"Ayaw kong singilin ang utang ni friend. Nakakahiya naman. Magbabayad na lang 'yun."

Some people avoid confronting others, even if they are right, because they feel ashamed or embarrassed. For instance, some people don't ask for loan repayments, and others avoid commenting on others because of hiya. Other times, we may tend to complain or ask questions to our peers rather than our bosses or teachers because of our hiya to authoritative figures.

While there is a semblance of honor in hiya culture, there are also a lot of negatives stemming from it.