The first stage is attachment.

The aim of this stage is emotional security. At the early stage in life, healthy attachment is to our parents. Later on, we learn to form positive attachments to our peers.

"Attachment theory" expands upon the dynamics of wounding at this stage.

The second stage is exploration.

The goal of this stage is differentiation. This is when we move into the world with curiosity and discover what separates us from our parents.

The third stage is identity.

This is when we are able to state "this is me". Through the process of trying on different ways of being, we can settle on a self that reflects who we would like to be.

As with all the stages, identity can be a place of constant learning & growth.

The fourth stage is competence.

This is our sense of power and ability to feel like we can accomplish something in the world. With competence, we form a basic sense of self that allows us to expand into the next 2 stages, which have to do with relating with others.

The fifth stage is concern.

The stage of concern mirrors the first 2 stages of attachment and exploration in the realm of interpersonal relating. This stage is our ability to care for others, cooperate with and maintain healthy attachment to our chosen peers.

The sixth stage is intimacy.

Mirroring stages 3 & 4 within relationships, the stage of intimacy is our ability to feel close and find belonging in partnership. A healthy sense of self and competence in our self conduct forms a foundation to skillfully bonding with partners.

Beyond intimacy, we start to truly become creative and generative individuals who contribute positively to society.

The successful passage through these initial milestones leads to a baseline standard-- what we might call a mature adult.

This framework is adopted from Erik Erikson's model of the stages of psychosocial development.

I first learned about it in a section of a book for singles called "Keeping the Love You Find", by Harville Hendrix.

Here is a graphic from the book "Keeping the Love You Find"

I am finding great value in applying this model to my life. It helps me notice where my strengths are, as well as the weak links in my development.

With this knowledge, I gain a sense of context, direction and motivation in the goals I choose to set moving forward.

A quick exercise to start: read through the stages and identify what your strongest and weakest links are.

Now you know what are of your life you can focus on developing.

Thanks for reading.

Feel free to share your thoughts, and let me know what insights you come across through the exercise!