Our current work systems are designed and calculated to incentivize competition. We spend time in parent-child relationships where the boss (or untitled leader) steps into a parenting-like role and employees and others become the children. And tense work relationships don’t magically disappear as we move towards boss-less or self managing teams.
Unresolved tensions that turn into conflict are common where there is an underinvestment in building relationships and trust and these factors (among others) can result in dysfunctional relationships at best, and at worst, real suffering. Our performance suffers too and lurking relational tension can explode into full blown conflict and ruptures in the team.
We fall into a passive-aggressive arm-folding 'it doesn't matter' posture
We pretend that we can seperate work from the rest of who we are
Prioritising building close ties and trust in the workplace is not some ‘woo-woo New Age strategy’
Allowing space for, and bringing awareness to ‘how we show up together’ is essential to high performing teams. Teams who invest time building strong and caring relationships and working on these relationships, and who nurture these throughout both easy and challenging times, are able to navigate change, uncertainty, tough deadlines, and big decisions with fluidity.
It’s hard to do relational work if we are not in an intentional, continuous practice of self-inquiry, development and learning.
And, it's not something we can do alone.
Start here:
Check-ins are the practice of beginning any engagement with a short period for each person to share and “arrive” in the space. This becomes a key way team members relate and connect.
Reflecting together becomes a gateway for potential development instead of one person's 'version of good', as people take responsibility for their own learning and development.
Trauma and trigger work. This is inquiry into what triggers us, being aware of how it shows up in our bodily responses to situations (fight, flight or freeze), how we might inquire into the origins of this triggers (in trauma), and then learn be able to remain present in relationships even as triggers occur. (join Greaterthan Academy's Trauma Informed Collaboration cohort)
*this essay is a distillation of Greaterthan's Pillars of Self-Management. Thanks to Kate, Elena, Sarah, Fran and the entire team for their contributions to these principles.