"Don't talk to strangers," Parents warn their children.

Stranger Danger is everywhere. See what happened to Little Red Riding hood? There are plenty of lurid stories on the news to make the wolf who is lying in wait, quite real and terrifying.

Here's the problem.

teaching children not to talk to strangers we tell them and ourselves that the only safe way to deal with potential dangers is avoidance.

In teaching children to be afraid of strangers, we teach them not to engage with anyone outside our social circle whose status is known and approved of.

We teach our children, and also ourselves to be afraid of anything and anyone who is different. Is it anyone wonder that children today are filled with anxiety, particularly social anxiety.

Every encounter with the unknown is potentially dangerous. And the only safe people are those that you already know.

I grew up in an era when parents told their children, go out and play, be home by dark.

Everything outdoors within limits of the neighborhood where I lived mine to explore.

My best friend and I, having read Harriet the Spy, bought red sweatshirts and notebooks, like Harriet, and began spying on the neighbors, even peering in windows.

We discovered a larger world, beyond what our parents knew.

We learned how to make friends:

With the librarian who introduced us to new books.

With the guy with a mohawk who sold vintage records.

We learned to follow our fascinations into worlds beyond what we'd known.

Talking to strangers I learned what freedom meant.