I let the fact that others have more things than me, ruin my relationship with money for a long time.

If I saw someone in a bad ass car, I would put up a front to say it looked idiotic, but I knew deep down, that I would love to own it.

I felt like the man was trying to keep me down, even though the internet has made it easier for people to make their yearly salary in a month's work.

Whenever I see people share about their business wins, I began to say they got to the top by being shady, even though that might not be the case.

They just didn't take no for an answer and failed a lot.

Any resistance to my questions, I would shut down. I would fail once and not try again.

I sit here and I realize the story I kept telling myself about being meek and submissive to be a good thing, has screwed me over. The story of risk being a bad thing or that people are stupid, made me a boring person.

I choose to suffer for stupid reasons because I thought I was better than others.

That's complete crap.

I could have done more when I was younger, and it's taken just now to finally set in.

I could have embraced my lack of knowledge and gained wisdom sooner.

My old stories have caused me more pain than any breakup I've had.

I'm coming clean. I don't feel like I can be this shell of a person any longer. I have to choose to embrace the risks and be okay with failing. I have to accept that my intelligence is laughable and that I don't know much of anything.

No one holds me back expect for myself.

I really need to begin failing at a lot of things in order to get better. I need to become dumb in order to become a little smarter every day.

I haven't felt challenged before, even though I felt like I was struggling.

No, I just decided to be a lazy bastard for so many years instead of focusing on a single craft or a couple.

This old story of "woah is me" has been weighing on my mind for a while.

This morning, I decided to do something about it. I hope that I can do well to be a good person. I have to try.

This post is a reminder for me, that I could stop being a whiny bitch and be a better person.

From now, I must fight to be better... until my body and mind decide they've had enough of my bullshit, and just quit.

I need to make new stories.