Are you someone who dreads certain kinds of conversation?

Perhaps you need to give someone feedback on something they did or didn't do. Perhaps you need to ask for permission, or forgiveness. Or something else.

We often spend a lot of time thinking about what we're going to say.

But we rarely pay attention to how we're going to be when we say it.

The secret is: how we are will override what we say. Always.

Even a simple question - "Why did you do that?" - can land very differently depending on how you are being in the moment.

If you're frustrated, angry, anxious or stressed you'll get one outcome.

If you're calm, happy, curious or energised, you'll get another.

Same question, very different outcomes.

If you are dreading a conversation, or expecting it to be difficult, you'll show up accordingly, and you'll get what you get.

If it's "just a conversation" (with no labels), it'll go differently. If you're calm and curious, it'll go differently.

The secret to having effective "difficult" conversations is to stop labelling them as "difficult" and be intentional about how you want to show up.

If you can't show up in the way you'd like, accept that it will limit the effectiveness and consider rescheduling until you can.

Tony Piper • Ship 30 for 30 2023, Day 25