The Big Lie: The Belief That We Must Choose Between Work & Relationships

A Hard Lesson I Learned So You Don't Have To Do The Same Dumb Thing I Did for 30 Years

A Story

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In 1984, I opened the mic in a radio broadcast booth for the first time.

I was so nervous, that I threw up in the trash can before and during my shift.

That Saturday morning, I kept thinking, "This is what you've been wanting to do since you were 10, Tracy! Get. It. Together!"

Also that year, I started interning at KARK-TV.

My Radio/TV/Film professors told me KARK doesn't hire interns. They had not done so in years. Of course, you can apply, but don't hold your breath.

It was an exciting time in my life.

KAAY-AM was a clear channel station. At night, I got to crank up the transmitter to 100,000 watts. The equipment literally groaned as it powered up to a signal reaching halfway around the world. It was exhilarating.

Being in the newsroom at the TV station right before a news broadcast had its own adrenaline-charged environment. Screaming. Cussing. Applauding. Police scanners blaring. I couldn't get enough of it.

Before long, I knew I could do whatever I wanted for the rest of my life.

You would think that working 60 or more hours a week and taking a full load each university semester would result in burnout. Instead, I thrived in both broadcasting environments.

I wasn't afraid to work hard, and I did so for the next 30 years.

In the late '90s, I worked a full-time job. Prepared and delivered a stock market report each morning on the radio. At night, I moonlit as a DJ on another station. AND wrote a local magazine column each month.

One day, it hit me.

My name and my voice were everywhere. My life was nowhere.

Apart from my family and my work colleagues (there were a bunch of work colleagues), I had no other life beyond cranking out old-school content. It was time to slow down and reevaluate.

So I found a therapist.

That's how I figured out what I was running from. My therapist and I worked through a handful of longtime relationships that had turned equal parts toxic and complicated.

To restore these relationships, I had to change myself. So I did. And am.

Using your career to flee the sometimes difficult work of self-reflection will kill your soul.

I promise you, 20 minutes or so a day on personal growth beats the hell out of processing 20 years of neglect.

When it comes to relationships or work, choose both/and.

Oh, and self-introspection is no substitute for having a real Person with whom you can share the dumb stuff in your head that you start to believe.

That's it!

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