Research has shown that deep and meaningful talks help people connect with one another, yet "small talk" is the norm in most social situations.

Even while individuals say they wish to have more in-depth talks, many are hesitant to start them.

This post contains research-based advice for navigating meaningful conversations.

Let's dive in.

#1: Start With Small Talk

A lot of research shows that small talk with people we don't know can make us feel better and feel more connected.

Never begin a conversation with the questions like, "What is your greatest achievement?" Instead, strike up a discussion about the weather or the latest news.

After establishing a rapport through small talk, you may begin to gently slide (rather than dive) into a deeper conversation.

#2: Assume The Best

According to a 2018 study, people frequently underestimate how much their conversational partner admires and enjoys their company (a cognitive distortion researchers call the "liking gap").

Anticipate that your conversational partner will like chatting with you.

Most individuals desire to have deeper talks than they usually do, so your conversational partner is likely to be eager to go beyond small talk.

#3: Push Through The Uncomfortable.

Deviating from the standards of small talk might indeed be uncomfortable.

However, Kardas' & Epley's research participants (details below) who participated in both small and deep talks favored the latter, despite being more uncomfortable.

#4: Allow Yourself To Be Vulnerable.

It's a risk to open up about your personal life, but it may have beneficial social effects.

According to research, we like individuals who reveal to us, and we prefer those who reveal to us due to us revealing to them.

Of course, there are certain limitations. For example, if you don't have a solid basis of mutual trust, making excessively negative or sensitive self-revelations might backfire.

#5: Inviting individuals to dive deeper.

When individuals assemble intending to have a meaningful conversation, societal norms shift, allowing people to be more candid and natural than they usually are.

Inviting individuals to dive deeper.

Using this method, participants take turns responding to more intimate questions.

In Conclusion

Make an effort to go beyond the typical small talk and get to know each other better. Discuss topics that are truly important to you. It may seem awkward at first, but the result of a stronger bond is well worth the effort.

References

Kardas, M., Kumar, A., & Epley, N. (in press). Overly shallow?: Miscalibrated expectations create a barrier to deeper conversation. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology.

5 Strategies For More Engaging Conversations

Tips to go beyond small talk and establish meaningful connections.

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