“There is not a single moment in your life when you do not have everything you need to be happy.”

In his book The Way to Love, Anthony De Mello talks about the nature of happiness. He says we are programmed by society with beliefs that make us unhappy. And we don’t even know we’re unhappy, because we don’t really know what happiness is.

De Mello says that happiness is not something to be attained - we already have it. The problem is that our attachments prevent us from being happy. Here are some of the ways in which our happiness is prevented by our attachments:

1. What you’re attached to controls you

The object of your attachment has power over your emotions and takes away your agency. In order to be happy, we must be willing to let go of what we hold most dear.

When you have it, you’re ecstatic. When you don’t have it, you’re miserable. Attachment creates a rollercoaster that keeps us from being happy.

2. Happiness is in the future

We are commonly prevented from being happy in the present by seeking it in the future. Happiness can only be felt in this moment.

People chase jobs, houses, other people, objects, and money in a vain effort to be happy. The truth is, if you can’t be happy right now, nothing you get will change that.

Changing the world won’t make you happy. Only changing your mind can.

3. Your feelings are programmed

Your mind is like a computer. It has been programmed to feel certain things. If a situation makes you feel bad, you try to change it into one that makes you feel good.

Instead, question your feelings. Why does this situation generate negative emotions? The only problems that exist are the ones created in your own mind.

Learn to experience painful or difficult situations without piling mental pain on top. Then you can handle the situation without causing more suffering for yourself.