A few years ago, I realized I misunderstood why I procrastinate.

It's easy to think that I avoid tasks because they're boring and uninteresting. It's a simple answer, which made me suspicious. If it was just boredom, couldn't I work through it? Avoidance is especially bad for me when dealing with work tasks, so I've thought about it most in that setting.

I wanted to be able to get things done without the anxiety of putting them off.

Avoiding the work is more stressful than getting it done.

There was a lot that I wanted to accomplish, but I was getting in my own way. Sometimes, I'd even put off doing things I wanted to do, like going to visit friends. To figure out why, I had to think hard about my behavior patterns.

I realized that for different reasons, I was afraid of doing them.

My emotions towards tasks have more impact on my approach than anything I could process logically.

This was extremely disappointing. I hoped for a simple fix: one I could implement and be done with it. Instead, I found that there would be a lot of hard work ahead. In fact, it's something I still struggle with.

One reason I fear digging into tasks is perfectionism: I worry I won't be able to accomplish them at all, or at a quality I approve of. So I avoid these tasks entirely: by never starting, I keep the hope that I can easily accomplish them.

That hasn't fixed my avoidance problems, but knowing what is going on makes it easier to face.

Our brains mislead us all the time. What I thought was simple boredom led to a realization about why I won't let myself just sit down and get it done. I still need to approach the anxiety I feel when I am uncertain.

The only way to fix it is to work through it. Maybe I'll start later.