People in general, and many tech leaders specifically, believe that saying YES is helpful and desirable.

The truth is that a simple YES is the worst of all the possible ways to respond to a request.

Here's why YES is rude, what you can say instead, and why NO is best.

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There are many responses to a request, and yes is the worst.

1) it's selfish

2) it adds zero clarity

3) YES creates NOs

4) the chances being incorrect increase exponentially

1) IT'S SELFISH

'Yes' often comes from ego and we justify it as coming from good-intent.

We'd rather own the opportunity than let someone else benefit.

2) IT ADDS ZERO CLARITY

YES ends the conversation without adding clarity.

Say you have a water leak in your house and you phone a plumber and ask if they can come fix it.

YES, comes the answer.

Can you relax now? Is that all you wanted to know? You still have more work to do.

3) 'YES' CREATES 'NO's

You have a finite amount of time and energy, and a finite number of days.

When you say YES to 1 thing you say NO to other possibilities.

This 1 decision lives within the greater ecosystem of your life.

NLP "Cartesian Questions" help here.

4) THE CHANCES OF BEING INCORRECT INCREASE EXPONENTIALLY

With each new YES you take on, the chances of yesterday's unfinished YESs becoming a lie increase.

These responses are better, because they empower the asker.

• YES, WHEN... I've done the 29 things that are currently on my list.

• YES, IF... you get my boss to change my priorities for you.

You've added clarity and value on the cost of your yes.

NO is the most helpful response.

It gives the asker complete clarity.

It gives the asker full agency.

It helps you honour your existing commitments

It maintains space for as-yet unknown possibility

TL;DR

• NO empowers people

• YES, WHEN… creates choice

• YES, IF… creates choice

• YES creates NOs

• YES if often a lie

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