OWNING YOUR WORTH 101: SELF-ESTEEM

For years, I felt unworthy of love and belonging unless I was constantly improving myself. 🧵

In my early 20's, I took my 1st psych class. I learned I can improve myself by learning new skills. I purchased dozens of self-help books and furiously read them to change who I was.

I felt better about my new skills, but I always wondered, "Why do I still feel unworthy?"

The problem lied underneath my motivation to improve — I believed certain parts of myself were unworthy.

Here is 1 essential tool to help you learn how to find the healthy balance of improving yourself, while accepting who you are — curated from @IAmMarkManson:

ESSENTIAL TOOL: SELF-ESTEEM

Self-esteem is the quality of your relationship with yourself, which can impact what you do in life and your relationships.

Mark suggests that an accurate way to measure self-esteem is asking:

• How tolerant am I of my flaws and low points in life?

People with low self-esteem tend to have terrible relationships with themselves — e.g. I was hard on myself whenever I acted socially awkward with friends.

People with high self-esteem can say "I know I'm a flawed and I failed at some things in life, but I'm still a good person"

PARADOX: SELF-IMPROVEMENT VS SELF-ACCEPTANCE

These two contradict each other:

• Self-improvement — acknowledging that you're not good at something.

• Self-acceptance — recognizing you don't need to improve anything to be happy or loved.

So how does self-esteem come into play?

SELF-ESTEEM SOLUTION: BALANCING THE PARADOX

At a certain point, you need to let go of whether you win or lose, achieve or don't.

Yes, there will be times you'll thrive (e.g. got a promotion, married).

Yes, there will be times you'll crash and burn (e.g. got fired, divorced).

However, what underlies this all is the foundation of being ok with both accepting yourself and improving yourself.

Whether you decide to improve or accept yourself, you can confidently say "I'm perfect as I am, and I can always be better" (Mark Manson).

TL;DR:

1 Essential Tool to Embrace the Paradox of Self-Acceptance and Self-Improvement

• Self-esteem is the quality of your relationship with yourself

• What underlies self-acceptance & self-improvement is the foundation of: ""I'm perfect as I am, and I can always be better"

If you're interested in checking out the video I curated by Mark Manson, check it out here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3N_vva_HHaY

If you enjoyed this and are into vulnerability and health & fitness tips for beginner lifters:

1) Follow me @joshabregopt for threads like this 4x-5x a week

2) Check out this related thread about the armor we put on when we can't tolerate vulnerability: https://typeshare.co/joshabregopt/posts/part-1-5-quick-tips-for-beginner-fitness-coaches-to-foster-caring-relationships-with-clients-using-personal-warmth