"Vulnerability is the ability to lean into uncertainty, risk and emotional exposure" - Brene Brown

Vulnerability is the core of what what makes life meaningful - love, creativity, bravery; however, it's a fucking tough feeling to sit with. When we can't tolerate it, we protect ourselves by armoring up. Unfortunately, when we do that, we show up in ways that are outside our integrity - blaming, people-pleasing, avoiding.

Here are 3 common armors we use to protect ourselves from vulnerability - curated by Dr. Brené Brown's book "Dare to Lead" and "Atlas of the Heart":

Armor #1: Moving Away

Moving away looks like avoiding, withdrawing, silencing ourselves, and keeping secrets.

This is the most common armor I use in my everyday life. For instance, when I hang out at my partner's house parties, I would sometimes retreat in my shell by grabbing a beer and sitting on the couch away from everyone. I wanted to get to know them, but I felt worried they wouldn't like me.

I chose to protect myself from rejection; however, I isolated myself from meaningful connection.

Armor #2: Moving Towards

Moving towards looks like people-pleasing, performing, and perfecting.

For instance, you stay in a relationship you're unhappy in because you feel scared to hurt him by breaking up. Maybe you're staying because your family says you two are the perfect couple and you'd be stupid to leave him. You continue to hold his hand and tell him you love him.

You chose the comfort of performing love; however, you're living in a false relationship.

Armor #3: Moving Against

Moving against looks like trying to gain power over others by being aggressive, like criticizing, blaming, and shaming others.

You try to go home after a long day from work, but your trusted co-worker keeps insisting that you hang out with her at this concert. Instead of saying "No, I need to go," you criticize her with "You're so annoying!"

You chose the comfort of blaming her for your feelings; however, you diminish both self-trust and her trust with you.

The problem with these armors is that we use it to protect ourselves, instead of learning to be with vulnerability by rumbling with it and choosing courage to face it.

To live life meaningfully requires the courage to lean into that uncomfortable vulnerability and let go of the armor we hold so dearly.

Which armor do you grab when you feel unable to tolerate vulnerability?