That's what I admitted to my girlfriend over breakfast this morning.

It's also the conclusion I came to after my Clarity Break this week.

It's an admission that I've been pondering over for almost a year now. But I only spoke it out loud this morning.

Have I always been a coward?

I don't think so. But I have shown cowardice from time to time.

I've realised this as I've gotten older and started spending more time with my thoughts and reflecting.

There have been instances when I've made mistakes and haven't accepted responsibility, avoided confrontation, or just stuck my head in the sand, and ignored a situation.

I've been doing a lot of these actions recently after making some bad mistakes & questionable decisions, not wanting to face the consequences.

It's only over the last 12 months that these actions have started to take a heavy toll on my conscience.

How so?

Since the first lockdown in 2020, I've started spending more time with myself. Journaling, walking, reading philosophy, spending time in quiet reflection

These habits have helped me realise my conscience.

And I'm very grateful for this awakening.

Becoming more self-aware is helping me understand who I really am, and what changes I need to make to become a better man.

So what now?

"Winners take control, they blame themselves and they look where they can improve."
- Robin Van Persie

Now is the time to take control and take responsibility, to hold myself accountable.

It's not going to be easy. Breaking bad habits never is. There are uncomfortable and challenging times ahead for sure.

The good thing is that it's only when we feel uncomfortable that we grow. And I want to grow and achieve my full potential.

The well known Shakespearian poet Jay-Z, said it best:

"We know who we are, yet we know not what we may be."