After 38 laps around the sun, setting a boundary remained as mysterious to me as a black hole – utterly baffling and, for the longest time, beyond my understanding.

I can tell you this. Setting boundaries instead of demands is a delicate balancing act. Often, the act of doing so leaves us wondering if we're drawing lines or building walls.

After two hard years of drawing them, I can report the following...

"Here lies the edge of my universe; tread carefully."

• Setting boundaries is a personal declaration of your limits and what you can tolerate, inwardly focused on what keeps your emotional garden blooming.

• On the flip side, making a demand is like telling someone else how to tend their garden while neglecting your own. It's about changing someone else's landscape to suit your view, often disregarding their right to grow daisies where you prefer roses.

"I'll wear my own raincoat in the storm, thank you very much."

• When we talk about boundaries, we're talking about taking responsibility for our well-being. It's not about controlling the weather but about keeping yourself dry.

• In contrast, a demand is more like trying to dictate the forecast, believing that if only it were sunnier, your day would be better. It's an external force, like trying to command the clouds, which, let's face it, have a mind of their own.

"Your fence, my fence; your tulips, my roses."

• The intent behind setting boundaries is to create a respectful environment for yourself and others. It's about knowing where your yard ends and someone else's begins.

• Demands, however, often lack this respect. They're like trying to dictate the colour of the tulips next door because you don't like yellow.

So, the next time you find yourself drawing a line, ask yourself:

Is this a boundary that nurtures my garden or a demand trying to landscape someone else's?