But I might write an essay now and then anyway.

A Hard Lesson From My Body

Yesterday I learned a hard lesson from Parkinson's: I'm not the same person anymore and shouldn't try to think that. See, I was going grocery shopping, and community travel here isn't that often. So instead of waiting for more than two hours for the next bus home, I decided to walk. "It's only 4,5 Kilometers, and I have walked a bit longer than that the past weeks.", I thought to myself.

Halfway, my legs froze from parkinsons, and I couldn't move. It has happened a couple of times before, but this was the worst one of them all. I tried to continue move, but I almost fainted from the power it took from me. I knew I couldn't sit down on the ground, from fear of not getting up again.

I hesitated but had to call my daughter to pick me up.

The Lesson learned

What I have learned from this experience is:

• Waiting two hours for the next bus is manageable.

• Walking longer distances is no longer for me.

• Be smart when I plan my shopping and other things.

It goes without saying that experience was both humiliating and humbling, and my gratitude for my daughters' help is everything!

Late on the evening of day 31, I find myself in a sort of vacuum. Do I continue this or am I letting go?

Choices All Of Those Choices

You know that movie "Sliding Doors", oh, how well I know those split seconds when if I had turned another way, my life could have been so much different. No, I don't regret anything; it's not that. What it is, it's just me philosophizing over my life.

Right now, I'm at a crossroads in life, and what happens if I choose the wrong door?

For Sure, Nothing In Life Is Sure.

You can have the best intentions, but there are also other people in your life. They also have an impact on your destiny, or is it "Heavenly Mechanics"? I'll be doing some deep soul-searching for a while now, to see where I'm headed and what I will be doing. I will certainly go back and finish at least one of my five book projects that I have started. Two of them were started in 2022, but sadly, not finished. Feels like orphaned children in a way.

Creativity, Certainly!

My future is a continued journey in creativity. That's my way of living, and that will never change. And besides composing music, painting, and writing. There will absolutely turn up new exciting ways for me to express myself.

Finally, thank you all for reading, commenting, and just being there!

The last essay of this 30-day journey is also me pausing publishing my music online for a while. My marriage ended during these 30 days, and even if we ended the marriage on good terms. I lost my best critic and champion. And it have left me in a kind of an vacuum. 

I’m Very Proud Of What I Have Composed

I don’t think many composers can show such a varied and rich catalog as I have formed during the past three years. I have finished more than a hundred compositions, and have had four of my compositions premiered live before audiences. And I feel my musical language has stayed true to who I am and what I have become. 

I decided when I restarted my composing that I would let my music be accessible to as many people as possible.

Thanks To Distrokid, My Vision Came through

Distrokid is the service I use to distribute my music digitally to more than 35 streaming platforms. One of my pieces has been used by some TikTokers and has been played more than seven thousand times! When I publish on Instagram, I can use my own music as background music there, and so can you!

What’s Next For Me?

I have no clue, while I still will compose, and also paint, I will let my music that’s already published digital stay. I will no longer update my online catalog, at least for a while. 

I know I will bounce back, but right now I feel like I’m in a vacuum and need to find my way back again. Don’t worry, I might write a book instead!

My dream when returning to composing in 2022 was to compose a Viola Concerto. And now it’s here! I give you:

In Nomine Concerto For Viola And Large Orchestra

Premiered on streaming on the 10th of August 2025

The concerto has three movements, based on the Latin phrase “in nomine patris et filii et spiritus sancti!” which is used in various contexts in the Christian mass. Translated to English, it's “In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit." 

First Movement - In Nomine Patri

I start the concerto with the Viola playing in its deepest and richest register accompanied by harp and piano. This leads to a crescendo accompanied by strings and leading to the second theme in the highest register accompanied by harp and strings.  After a repeat of the first theme in another key, it leads up to a rhapsodic cadenza that, after some modulating sequences, leads back to the beginning and ends with the viola playing flageolet.

Second Movement - Et Filii

It’s a playful scherzo depicting a child playing, leading to a slower part with canon-like parts in solo Viola and strings. Almost angelic in it’s feeling. Adding a harp to the texture, it becomes like a prayer. Leading back to the Viola increasing speed and returning to the playful theme. The concerto ends with a tutti with full orchestra that ends abruptly and just a pizzicato of the lose string C on the viola.

Third Movement - Et Spiritus Sancti

This movement opens with viola and harp playing flageolets. It gives the movements it’s tone of something spiritual and holy. Further on in the movement, I let the viola play against parts of chorals, hinting a gratitude to Alban Berg and his violin concerto. 

For me, the composer, this concerto is a prayer as well as a profound testament of my Christian faith. 

Almost every day since August 2022, I have been composing and dreaming about my music again. Thanks to friends abroad for giving me an old MacBook Air from 2013. And I'm still grateful for that gift and what has happened with me, and my music after that.

That Started A Chain Of Events

Have you seen the movie "Sliding Doors"? Life often mirrors its premise, and my decision to restart my composition career was no exception.

In 2023, I had the honor of debuting the first movement of my latest composition as a clarinet solo piece in the United Kingdom, marking a significant milestone in my career as a composer. This premiere brought to life the intricate melodies and harmonies I had meticulously crafted. Later that year, my piece "Epilogous II" was introduced to the world in the serene setting of Lidingö Church, offering a spiritually enriching experience to all who attended.

Moving into 2024, my creative journey continued to thrive. In June, the second movement of my Piano Sonata was introduced to the world, captivating audiences with its compelling blend of complexity and emotive depth. This premiere added to the growing body of my work that was gaining recognition and appreciation from music enthusiasts around the globe. Then, in October 2024, "The Kyrie" made its debut, further cementing its place in my expanding repertoire.

This year, although without new premieres of my compositions, has been a time for reflection and future planning. I've focused on expanding my music's reach, now offering nearly one hundred compositions on streaming services. This digital presence lets listeners enjoy the variety of my work anytime, anywhere, ensuring my music continues to resonate globally.

Odds And Ends In A World Of A Composer

Or as I would like to call it “Heavenly Mechanics”, if you're still wondering over that saying. It’s like your destiny in a way, the stars that lead your way. There are many analogies.  

I have been fortunate to transform my destiny and future, first by starting to write, then by regaining my social life, and now by composing.

I have a lot of gratitude for how my life turned around, and the people instrumental in it for making it happen.

The first piece I would like to talk about is the Triptych for Viola and Harp

Elegias - Triptych For Viola And Harp

This is an early composition, I started composing it at Christmas 2022, and I finished it in March 2023, I think.

 It consists of three Elegies with a totally different tonality about them. The sentiment is much the same, and the coloring that I find so lovely with this combination, a Harp and a Viola, makes it sound like a person is singing sad songs, or rather sentimental. 

I have also done a version B of it, for clarinet in Bb and harp.

Elegie For An Angel - Viola Solo, Celesta And Harp

Elegie for an Angel (2024) is composed the day after the news of Michaela DePrince, the outstanding ballerina’s death, was announced. I was deeply moved by her life and her remarkable ability to overcome numerous traumas and hardships, ultimately becoming one of the world's most renowned ballerinas. 

Scored for Viola solo, Celesta and Harp; it’s such a sweet little piece of music that go back and listen to now and then.

Elegie for Lily The Dog - Clarinet and Piano

I composed this for my friend Rochelle, in memoriam of her sweet dog Lily. 

It’s written to be possible for an amateur to play, but with some good things for the clarinet player to pick up and learn. Composed in spring 2025.

One day, while staying in Tiny House, my refuge on my daughter's property. I was going through my collection of scores to find inspiration. When I found a book with twelve of Henry Purcell’s Fantasias for four viol da Gamba, this wasn’t what I was looking for, but in the end, I sat down and decided to listen to recordings of them.

That Is Something Else, I said To Myself.

When I had listened to them, the idea was clear. I would do Metamorphosis on a couple of them. Maybe three or four. 

The orchestration for all of them will be a Stringquartet and a string orchestra. The string orchestra consists of three violins, two violas, two cellos, and one contrabass part. Preferably, I’d see a minimum of two players for each part, to get a fuller sound from the strings.

I set up the score and arranged the first seven bars of one of the Purcell Fantasias. And then the composition came to a standstill for a couple of weeks.

How Would I Dare To Use Something So Perfect And Make It My Own?

The question was buzzing in my head, not ringing through every time I opened the score and tried to write a continuation. I procrastinated the whole thing and decided to give a couple of other fantasies a go. But none of them hit my sweet spot like the first one!

But in my head, I could hear the continuation of the first piece. One early morning, I had it, I let the strings come in with cluster-chords in F#Maj modulating over to AbMaj9/Eb. And from that point on, there was no return other than to finish the composition.

Stitching My Soundworld Together With Purcells

I’m letting the stringquartet play most of the snippets from Purcell’s composition. And the strings are commenting on my sounds and coloring. It’s not a strict division, rather a suggested one. 

After two days of intense work, the composition was finished, and it ended up being almost seven minutes long.  And you find it on virtually every streaming service now.

So my ex-wife’s niece Julia was getting married, but due to circumstances, I couldn’t be present. So what is a composer doing then?

Composing A Weddingmarch

It wasn’t a new thing to compose a weddingmarch, I have probably composed more than thirty or so during my years as a violin player of Swedish folkmusic. 

Neither composing such a thing for church organ, I have composed four of these already. 

So, what’s the big deal about composing another one? Well, I wanted it to have both the sound of a Swedish folk tune, but with the flavor of where I am right now as a composer. 

The Composition

I decided to go for a standard two-reprise, part A and part B, composition ending with a reprise of the A part. 

The key is G Major and E minor, with a twist.  Well, otherwise it wouldn’t be my composition, right?

So I’m letting the march end with a D major chord! It leaves everyone hanging, right? It's supposed to end in a G Major chord, or is it? 

Some people who listened to it said this was way out of its league, so I did a version two too, which ends with a traditional G Major chord. 

Here's a link to that second version on Soundcloud!

Did they use it? No, I wasn’t gunning for that either. I just wanted to give them something special from me!

The past months I have experienced losing friends and what way that happens thru it still hurts.

Losing Touch With People

One kind of losing friends is losing touch with them; it doesn’t have to be anybody's wrongdoing. Life happens, and relationships change throughout a lifetime. Even those we could have sworn would be lifelong. We all change, and in this day and age, so many other things happen in life.

Sudden Death

The past six years I have lost about ten close friends, three committed suicide. Two died from COVID-19 or diseases related to it. One was killed in a motorcycle accident, and the remaining four died from Cancer.

Every time I feel the loss, but the worst is the people who commit suicide. They leave a sense of unfinished life threads after them. And those deaths also hit the hardest for me, as I was extremely close to ending my life a day before Christmas 2014. But I didn’t, and that makes me grateful for life.

It’s Okay To Take Your Time And Feel The Loss

For me, taking time to feel the loss and remember the people lost is essential. It helps me remember them and our relationship.

Even if the people still live, and your relationship has, for one reason or another, ended, taking my time to mourn it makes it easier to go on from there. 

It’s always okay to mourn and feel the loss, but….

Equally Important Is To Go On And Live Your Life

Every morning when I wake up, I’m happy to get another day to wander this earth. To see my daughters achieve their goals and watch my grandchildren grow. To find both old and new ways to express my creativity. 

I'm happy to have love in my life and to have somebody to share life with.

It's also okay to go on with your life and continue growing as a human being. That part is equally important!

I love the smaller and more intimate format that a Concertino gives me as a composer. It provides both the solo instrument and the string orchestra enough space to tease and grow. 

So the first thing I composed when I got back to composing was a concertino.

My Concertinos Until Now (August 2024)

• Clarinet Concertino - Solictice (2022)

• Viola Concertino No. I (2023)

• Violoncello Concertino - 'In To The Silence And Out Of The Darkness' (2023)

• Piano Concertino No. I (2023-24)

• Guitar Concertino - ‘The Early Morning Dew’ (2024) 

• Concertino For Organ, Timpani And Strings (2023-?) (Only first movement is finished)

• I’ve started on concertinos for:

  • Flute

  • Oboe

  • Basson

  • Horn

These instruments I have ideas for:

• Trumpet

• Trombone

• Tuba

• Harp

• Harpsichord

• Contrabass

• Nyckelharpa (Swedish traditional instrument)

• Percussion

It’s pretty exciting to look at this list, I feel so inspired! I only hope I can fulfill my dream to compose a concertino for each instrument.

The Composition I Carried Within Me The Longest

Without a doubt, the Kyrie for Mezzo Soprano Solo, eight-voiced choir, brass, and harp is one of the most important compositions.  This is how I presented it on the web before its World premiere:

The Kyrie is the first movement in what I plan to be a complete mass. It is also the piece of music I have carried within me the longest, but have not had the strength to let it come out. 

It is a cry to God that he will save us (me), and the people (the choir) alternate between bright sounds (women) and dark sounds (men), and the accompanist (mezzo-soprano, the soloist). The dramatic effect of the work is enhanced by the orchestration (brass and harp). My wish is that the audience will take the composition with them and be strengthened in their faith. The Kyrie is dedicated to Annika Hudak and the Lidingö Motettkör.”

A Key Composition

As I said, this is the first movement in a coming Mass.. It’s in process, but I have halted the composition of the other movements for now, as I have other, equally essential compositions that need to be completed.

The process of composing such an intricate composition was, I must say, very exhausting. The first score was finished in May 2023. Then only Choir and solo parts. Then I was asked by the choir director if I could add some ensemble. I tried adding a string orchestra, played it for my now ex-wife, who said *No!’. I tried a small symphony orchestra, but it didn’t work. I even tried with solo Cello and harp. But every time something didn't seem right.

Then one day i February 2024 I sat down and played a little with brass and harp for another composition, and then it worked for me! So the brass ensemble is Horn, two trumpets, two trombones, and tuba. 

The World premiere

20th of October 2024, the World Premier took place in Breviks Church on Lidingö. Malena Ernman was the soloist, Lidingö Motetchoir, musicians from the Swedish Radio Symphony Orchestra, conducted by Annika Hudak. It was a proud moment for me, and I know there will be many more to come in the future!

A Bit Of My Music History

I remember the feeling of having finished my first string quartet in 1984. I felt so proud of my accomplishment. It wasn’t long, and it was very inspired by music by Anton Webern. 

Since then, I have felt that I have been destined to compose a string quartet. 

The sad thing is that I lost three, possibly four of my quartets in the devastating hard-drive crash I experienced in August 2008. That crash, together with the fact that my shakings had been so bad I stopped playing my Viola and Violin. I lost music in 2008, and didn’t get it back until 2022! It was so bad that I couldn’t listen to classical music at all, I got sick from it!

My Stringquartet's Since I Started Composing Again 2022

(The numbering is what I think works for me.)

• Bridgerton - a mini stringquartet inspired by the TV series Bridgerton (2023)

• No. V - ‘Come Again’ built on John Dowland's song (2023-2024)

• No. VI - Salona Queitum  (also called ‘At The End Of Times’ (2024)

• No. VII - ‘In Dulci Jubilo’ (2025)

• No. VIII - Pie Jesu (2025-? Started, not finished yet!)

• My plans for the years to come, is too include composing at least two string quartets each year.

  I have plans for numbers 9 to 12 so far, and even if that’s not the end goal, it's a start. Plans are good to have, and the hope is you will fulfill them. But it’s not a catastrophe if you’re not!

The Wintermusic series originates from a composition I composed back in 1986. Wintermusic No. I, as I call it now, was the first composition that was performed somewhere else in Sweden. It was my breakthrough. I had some other compositions performed between 1986 and 1990, but after that, my time was focused on family life and earning an income to support my family.

The First Wintermusic

Wintermusic No I was composed during some weekends during my studies in Music Science in Uppsala in spring 1986. I tried to catch the last days of winter, with the shimmering of icy crystals and the fading snow.  I sent the finished Score to a Violist Friend, Otto Freudenthal, who called me the same day he received the Score and asked me for orchestra material. In May 1986, Wintermusic No. I was performed by the St. Lars Chamber Orchestra conducted by Otto Freudenthal, and it was my first performance where I didn't play myself or had close friends perform my music. 

But the following Wintermusic isn’t about winter. It’s just a name like some use Sketch or some other name for their composition

The Continued Series - Wintermusic II to Wintermusic X

I have planned to compose a series of ten Wintermusic; the following is finished:

Wintermusic II - String trio solo, timpani, celesta, and strings

Wintermusic III - String Orchestra  Otto Freudenthal In Memoriam 

Wintermusic IV - timpani, tubular bells, harp, and strings

Wintermusic V - An Integral Part Of Life - For Violoncello Solo And Strings

Wintermusic VI - Litany for Viola Solo And Strings

Wintermusic VII - Muscia Hiemalis  for timpani, glockenspiel, vibraphone, Pianoforte, Celesta, Harpa, Mixed choir and Strings (3221)

The following Wintermusic’s No. VIII to X aren't decided or even started yet, so they remain, as I say, silent for now.

No, there is definitely a book for me to write about composing music!

My Journey To Become A Composer

Every composer begins their journey with a unique set of influences, experiences, and motivations. For e what clicked was a performance of J.S. Bach The Passion Of St. John. My father, the priest, pushed me at 16 years to come with him to listen to a performance of that in a nearby church. In the car, on the way home, I told my father that I wanted to become a composer! 

And to tell you the truth, it wasn’t the straightest path. And today I’m convinced that if I had been given the opportunities I have now, I would have been more successful. I might not have become a composer at all.

Beyond Creativity, You Need Technical Knowledge

The art of composing music is as much about technique as it is about inspiration. Understanding music theory, harmony, and orchestration is crucial for translating abstract ideas into tangible compositions. A book on composing music would delve into these technical aspects, providing readers with fundamental tools needed to craft their musical works. Such a book could cover a range of topics from the basics of melody and harmony to advanced concepts like counterpoint and the use of electronic media in composition. By sharing their knowledge, composers can demystify the music creation process, making it more accessible to aspiring composers.

The Challenges of the Creative Process

Composing music is not without its challenges. Writer's block, imposter syndrome, and the constant pursuit of originality are hurdles every composer faces. A book dedicated to composing music would tackle these challenges head-on, offering strategies to overcome them. Personal anecdotes, interviews with renowned composers, and practical exercises could serve as a guide for readers navigating their creative struggles. By addressing these common obstacles, the book would reassure aspiring composers that they are not alone in their journey and that perseverance is key to artistic fulfillment.

There are undoubtedly many excellent books on composition and orchestration, but I would also love the opportunity to share my insights on these topics.

The suite Heavenly Mechanics comprises five distinct pieces.

Heavenly Mechanics No I - Flute and Piano

Heavenly Mechanics No II - Piano solo. My gift to my wife on our wedding day, the 29th of April 2023

Heavenly Mechanics No III - For string quartet

Heavenly Mechanics No IV - For Windquintet

Heavenly Mechanics No V - For piano solo, Windquintet and string quartet

What Is The Deeper Meaning Of ‘Heavenly Mechanics’?

If you believe in something greater than yourself, as I do, you might appreciate a broader perspective on faith. I have been a Christian since birth, and my faith is rooted in the teachings of God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit. However, I understand that not everyone wishes to define their spirituality in specific terms. To capture this more universal belief, I've coined the phrase "Heavenly Mechanics."

In addition to my Christian faith, I find wisdom in the teachings of Buddhism. I have read numerous books by the Dalai Lama and had the incredible opportunity to meet him personally. This diverse spiritual journey enriches my understanding and appreciation of the divine.

Divine Devotion

To me, "Heavenly Mechanics" is a profoundly spiritual composition. The piece can be enjoyed either as individual movements or as a cohesive whole. I highly recommend listening to all five movements, as the final one serves as a kind of summary, beautifully encapsulating elements from the preceding four.

If you haven't yet discovered your own 'Heavenly Mechanics,' may the spirits guide you there and support you on your journey through life!

Yes, you read right. After a week coughing my lungs and brains out, I decided I needed something creative that was manageable to focus on, as I started to realize my mental health was also at risk.

Setting Up Conditions For My 30 Days Composing Challenge

To be sure I didn’t ”paint myself into a corner”, meaning I didn’t end up writing too much, too long, or anything else stopping me from finishing a composition in one day. The following rules were set up:

• The ensemble should be a solo instrument or a maximum of three instruments

• The length of the compositions shouldn't be longer than about three minutes.

• And not shorter than 1,5 minutes.

• Always try to prefer a solo instrument.

• So I started on the twelfth night of my whooping cough.  The first one I composed was an Adagio for Viola and Piano, and it’s 3,5 minutes long.

How Did I do, And What Were the Ensemble's Solo-Instruments I Composed For?

Piano Solo - 10 Compositions

Piano And Viola - 5 Compositions

Piano And Violin - 2 compositions

Piano And Violoncello Or Contrabass - one each

Piano And Wind-instruments - one for Clarinet and one for Bass Clarinet

Viola Solo - One composition

Violoncello Solo - One composition

Flute Solo - One composition

Clarinet Solo - One composition

Guitar Solo - One composition

Duo For Clarinet And Viola - One composition

Duo For Viola And Violoncello - One composition

Trio For Viola, Violoncello And Piano - One composition

Piano Quartet - One composition

Yes, I completed my 30-day assignment without a hitch. Not all is masterpieces, but a couple of them are good (In my opinion). You can also find some of them with a blue icon instead of my signature green ones on Spotify, etc.