Why do you need friends? So you don't die.

In the USA, the Surgeon General produced the report, "Our Epidemic of Loneliness and Isolation," that compares loneliness to the danger of tobacco, obesity, and illicit drugs. It's equal to smoking 15 cigarettes daily.

Loneliness, the lack of deep, intimate relationships, negatively impacts our sleep, mood, optimism, self-esteem, immune system, etc., while increasing our risk for heart disease, stroke, Alzheimer's, addiction, mortality, inflammation, depression, anxiety, paranoia, etc. It boosts the risk of dementia by 31%. Insurance companies should mandate friendships.

Roughly 13% of adults experience chronic loneliness and 4%-17% suffer from chronic social isolation. Younger adults (Gen Z and millennials) and minority groups are disproportionately affected.

The causes are fewer community groups, a rise in single-person households, social media, economic strain, Covid-19, remote work, long job hours, job relocation, unsafe neighborhoods, etc.

This is a global dilemma, with almost 1 in 6 people worldwide suffering from this ailment. In the UK, a Minister of Loneliness was appointed to create public awareness of the issue and programs to combat it. In the UK, Sweden, and Australia, designated park benches were set up where strangers can socialize with each other.

Human beings, including us introverts, are social animals. Our need for connection is as strong as it is for food or water. Being in tightly knit tribes is how we survived as a species for a long time.

Throughout history, exile was one of the worst punishments you could get, with some considering a more terrible fate than death. Even today, the United Nations labels 15+ days of solitary confinement torture.

BFFs aren't just for humans, or even primates. Elephants, dolphins, whales, and other mammals enjoy the buddy system too.

Unfortunately, we have the most friends when we're young, but the number declines as we age. It's a shame. People experience higher levels of happiness and enjoyment with friends than spouses or family because time with friends is often more recreational, less stressful, and voluntary.

Numerous studies show that what the happiest people have in common is good relationships. Friendship accounts for 58% of of the difference in happiness between individuals, regardless of whether they are introverted or extroverted. It is very challenging to be happy without friends.

Loneliness leads to depression far more than depression leads to loneliness. A study found that people undergoing high levels of loneliness are at 5x greater risk of developing depression.

The value of a better social life is equivalent to earning an extra $132,232 or more a year. It should be noted that salary raises provide only a minor increase in happiness beyond earning $75K-$100K. We swiftly adapt to more money after a brief high and our previous mood returns.

However, the emotional fulfillment of frequent social interaction never disappears. Once your basic needs are taken care of, money can play a supportive role, but can't really buy happiness because it is just a man-made construct after all.

Research tells us that less than 20% of employees see their manager as a close friend but those who do are 2.5x more likely to enjoy their job. If you have 3 pals at work, you're 96% more likely to feel happy about your life.

Disliking your coworkers comes with grave consequences. Monday morning is the most common time people die of heart attacks. Most folks spend a third of their life working. Think about it.

Positive social relationships are second only to genetics in predicting health and longevity in humans. Good relationships can add a decade to your lifespan. The longest living people on Earth have strong social networks.

The best predictor of whether you will be alive 1 year after a heart attack is 2 things: The number of friends you have and if you smoke. Having a bad diet and excessive alcohol consumption only has a modest impact compared to those 2 factors.

A 2006 study found that breast cancer patients with 10 close friends had a 4x higher survival rate than those with zero friends. Having a husband had no impact. A long-term study that included 736 men showed friends reduced the likelihood of heart problems, while a romantic partner had no impact.

Lacking institutional support, friendship doesn't get the respect it deserves, even though it does a huge amount of the heavy lifting of bringing happiness and joy into our lives.

In 1990, 33% of Americans had 10+ close friends, but a 2021 survey showed that only 13% do. The percentage of U.S. adults with no close friends has quadrupled to 12% since 1990. We have some work to do.

As you can see, it is important that we be proactive, deliberate, and intentional about getting and maintaining friendships. But what is the key to developing strong, robust friendships. You need 2 things:

1. Time

Spending time with someone consistently sends a strong message because it is the most valuable commodity we own. One of the most common causes of friendships ending is the decreasing time or attention paid to it due to new jobs, partners, living situations, etc. For a friendship to last, it must be nurtured like a plant. Touch base with your buddies once every 2 weeks by phone at minimum.

When it comes to making new friends, it does take more time. Research tells us it takes roughly 40–60 hours to become casual friends, 80–100 hours to become friends, and 200+ hours to become close friends. It isn't just the total amount of shared time, but what type. Hanging out, going beyond small talk, and showing care fosters closeness when it is done voluntarily during leisure, not work or classes. You can speed things up with:

2. Vulnerability

Researcher Arthur Aron found that interpersonal closeness and friendship can be made in as little as 45 minutes due to an experiment where pairs of strangers asked each other 36 increasingly personal questions and engaged in silent eye contact. Accelerating the natural, gradual process of getting to know someone , finding commonalities, active listening, and the perception that the other person likes you were the key factors.

Being open and intimate tells folks they are part of an exclusive fraternity. When people are trusted and invited into the clubhouse, they feel special. Sharing past mistakes also increases likability and relatability due to the Pratfall Effect. Trusting someone else gets them to open up and trust you, a virtuous cycle. To get friends fast, follow this rule: If it scares you, say it.

Vulnerability does come with the risk of ridicule, betrayal, rejection, etc., but the risk is overblown and worth it because friends are so important. The danger of being exploited creates the value inherent in trust, giving it its power. Always give folks the "Narc Test," mentioned in my last book, and heed your intuition to stay safe. Not opening up prolongs minor illnesses, increases the chance of a first heart attack, and doubles the likelihood it will be fatal. The next question is where do you find friends:

•Use apps such as Meetup, Bumble BFF, Timeleft (for group dinners), Hey Vina!, etc. to find, swipe, and meet potential friends.

•Join interest-based Groups like social clubs, running clubs, book clubs, cooking classes, recreational sports leagues (like pickleball), volunteer activities, networking events, etc. to meet people with similar hobbies.

•Ask current acquaintances or colleagues to introduce you to new people.

Don't wait for invitations. Suggest plans, such as grabbing drinks, coffee or lunch, watching films, etc. Do not take lack of reciprocation personally; look for people who are available for friendship. Accept invitations, even if you are tired or nervous, to foster connections.

Now go out there and make friends like your life depends on it, because it does.