What was Comedian Buddy Hackett's secret to success onstage?

For him, the key to a great performance was the ability to "turn down the monitor." The monitor was the part of his mind that continually watched how he was doing during a performance. How can we apply this?

The key to social confidence is put the majority of your focus outside of yourself and onto the person or the people you're with. You must be comfortable in your skin. For many, this seems daunting, but they're already doing so, but not realizing it.

Right now, there are folks you already know that you don't feel anxious around like your parents, close friends, etc. So it is possible to have the same comfort and ease with strangers.

One must adopt what psychologists call the "field perspective," a technique, often used in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), where individuals are trained to see situations through their own eyes rather than from an "observer perspective" in which one is viewing themselves, usually with hypercritical eyes.

Imagine you're a cameraman, or better yet, watching a film. When seeing a good movie, you're captivated by the characters in the story. You pass judgment on the ones you like, typically the protagonist, and the ones you dislike, usually the villain or the bad guy. You aren't thinking about yourself or obsessing over what they think of you, while being comfy in your seat.

This is the way Sures see the world around them. They simply assume they will be accepted and approved of. Conversely, Shys automatically believe folks will reject them.

The next time you feel nervous around others, turn your mental camera around. Give yourself full permission to be judgmental. Begin forming opinions about them, instead of fretting about what they think about you. Notice what folks are wearing, how confident they look, what their personality type is, etc. This compels you to ask "What do I think of them?," not "What do they think of me?"

By being present, Shys can engage and listen more, while socializing with others, strengthening relationships. This approach not only develops confidence but helps build awareness, which keeps you safe, and enjoy the many benefits of mindfulness. Win-win-win.