It is all in how you frame your success.

"Simply being is never enough, their right to exist can only be assured by constant doing." - The School of Life

This quote sums up the mentality of high achievers with a poor framework for success well. The motivation to do more comes from a place of self-doubt, fear of acceptance, and self-loathing for harboring those feelings. It is not a rational or particularly happy framework on which to base actions.

3 Achievement-Centered Reframes

1. Daily Self-Reflection: Journaling, or voice dictation of your thoughts provides personal insight and changes perspective. Be clear on what questions you are asking yourself and how you are answering. Focus on what you can control rather than what you can't and make plans to improve.

2. Focus On Your Efforts: How much work you put in trying to achieve an outcome does count for something - even if, especially if, the outcome is not realized. Celebrate your wins and incremental progress. Avoid unrealistic self-expectations tied to perfectionistic ideals.

3. Ask For Feedback: When you identify your personal value as being tied to your accomplishments there is a tendency to have negative self-talk. Asking for feedback from those you trust (like mentors, coworkers, friends, etc.) helps you to see yourself from another perspective. Often this outside perspective does more to highlight your strengths than hours of self-reflection can.

“It’s not stress that kills us, it is our reaction to it” -Hans Selye

What Distress Is

Distress is overwhelming. It creates negative feedback loops of powerlessness. When you are distressed you are prone to mental and physical health problems.

Common examples of distressing events:

• Relational problems

• Illness or injury

• Job loss

• Moving

• Death

What Eustress Is

Eustress is energizing. It creates positive feedback loops of empowerment. It benefits your mental and physical health as it is triggered with excitement, inspiration, and growth.

Common examples of eustress events:

• Learning

• Working towards goals

• Connecting with others

• Maintaining positive habits

• Overcoming life challenges

Managing Distress

The self-improvement tools to manage distress are the same ones that create eustress: meditation, breath work, exercise, self-reflection, and mindfulness. Building habits of these beneficial practices improve your stress response before and after distressing events.

Channeling Eustress

Eustress is triggered by changes and challenges. This can feel like being in a flow state where you are problem-solving effortlessly. To channel it more often, do more things that are positively challenging (like the list of distress management tools above).

You Can Turn Distress Into Eustress

You choose how you react to events that occur. With every distressing event, there is an opportunity to learn and overcome - which changes the distress to eustress. It is about understanding, and then acting on, what you can control in distressing situations.

Let's start managing distress and channeling eustress for a happier, healthier, and more successful life.

Connected In Your Relationships

Cultivate and respect the relationships in your life, whether they be a small circle of trusted friends and family or a larger network. Having a strong support system is vital for not just emotional well-being, but for achieving your goals and reaching your full potential. Strong relationships improve all aspects of life.

Purposeful Work

Avoid burnout and apathy by finding work that aligns with your beliefs and values. When you believe in what you do, it shows in your presence and focus. When you find work that aligns with your values, you'll find yourself more motivated, fulfilled, and able to make a greater impact in the world.

Physical Fitness

Your health directly impacts how you feel, and in turn, how you perform. Prioritizing fitness leads to fewer health issues, a better mood, and more opportunities - especially as you age. It also increases your energy levels and ability to handle stress, which is crucial for achieving your goals and maintaining a positive mindset.

Self-Awareness

Psychologist Tasha Eurich discovered 85-90% of people are not truly self-aware, but 95% of people believe they are. This means that the majority of people hold misconceptions about what they think they know. Questioning, testing, self-reflection, and continuous learning build self-awareness. It is a life-long journey, but by being intentional you can gain a deeper understanding of yourself, which leads to better decision-making, better relationships, and a more meaningful life.

Invest in these 4 Pillars to exponential returns.

Imposter Syndrome is doubt about what you have done and what you can do and usually shows up through anxiety and accompanies perfectionism.

If you want to increase your anxiety:

• Approach new challenges believing you are out of your depth

• Don't be yourself when working through problems

• Avoid being honest about your experience

If you want to decrease your anxiety:

• Start with honesty

• Be yourself, nervousness and all

• Reflect on your past wins and how they lead up to now

3 Steps to overcome Imposter Syndrome:

1. Breathe. Take two breaths through your nose (one short small inhale after an initial large inhale) and release through your mouth. A longer exhale than inhale slows the heart and reduces stress - it is called the physiological sigh.

2. Reflect. Think back on your biggest wins, the circumstances you overcame, and the final triumphant results. With your track record in mind, think about your current problem and put it into your personal historic perspective.

3. Get started. Know you may stumble and stutter, but you will improve with practice and consistent effort (just as you have in the past). Forgive yourself for making mistakes and continue to work towards the goal.

When your progress slows or you feel overwhelmed start back at 1 and work through 3.

Identifying goals can be a challenging process

It can feel like a commitment you can’t keep. A goal is not a marriage decision, it can be changed. Sometimes it must be.

Ask, does this goal serve my future self the way I envision?

If you have no goals you are setting yourself up for failure

Perfectionism may be to blame - because if you don’t commit you can’t fail right? Wrong. Even if you fail to reach your goals the act of setting them greatly improves your future success.

Getting specific more than doubles your chances.

 Don’t hesitate, start small, set a goal, and get going

Choose a short-term goal to get started. Complete several of these. Then try a mid-term goal, and then set your long-term goal.

Success lies in the journey less than the outcome.

Practice goal setting like any other skill - and approach it in a way that works for you

Get SMART - Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, and Time-Bound. For some, using a tool to set goals doesn't come naturally - there is immediate resistance. The value of the tool is certain- but it's not a necessity.

Resistance is a sign to modify your approach.

Those with abstract goals have better outcomes than those with no goals

There is an often-quoted study of Harvard Grads that proves goal setting can increase rates of success by 10x more than not setting a goal. Whether it is 1x or 5x each goal has the potential to compound as you set your next one. Another reason to fail fast and often - you have more opportunities for success!

Goal setting is a success driver.

A mental block is often a challenging thought.

Indicator #1: An emotional reaction of denial, frustration, or anger

Is there someone you just don't particularly like, or an environment that leaves you in a bad mood and you wonder why? This may be an emotional reaction to a feeling of envy or competition relating to that person or that environment. Once you notice it there is an opportunity to grow.

Ask yourself: What is the trigger?

Then redefine the situation with your new knowledge.

Indicator #2: You consider yourself above or below others

Do you catch yourself being dismissive of your own knowledge and opinions or talking down to others assuming they don't understand something? It can be subtle and hard to catch yourself in the moment. The one-up or one-down doesn't need to be extreme to be a signal.

Ask yourself: What makes you better or worse than the other person?

This act is humbling and opens the ears to active listening - which can repair the conversation.

Indicator #3: Setting unattainable goals

Do you set lofty goals and rarely attain them then feel frustrated and down because of the failure? Having unrealistic expectations for yourself and others is a recipe for discontent. Objective reality is the greatest teacher.

Ask yourself: How realistic is this goal based on my self-knowledge?

Use an analysis like SWOT to determine how likely you are to succeed.

Strengths

Weaknesses

Opportunities

Threats

Most people overcomplicate self-improvement.

Especially when considering mindset shifts.

How to change your mindset:

1. Self-Reflect - Eliminate bad habits.

2. Choose ONE good habit and begin a daily practice.

3. Relentlessly practice this ONE good habit each day.

Once you get there, you can then focus on:

4. Optimizing or expanding your good habit.

5. Starting ONE additional good habit.

6. Relentlessly practicing both habits.

The key to success?

With every action, determine which one of these steps you are stuck at.

And then make a plan to progress to the next level.

Your time spent on entertainment can be necessary and refreshing - or a drain on your resources.

Your options for entertainment are limited by your income. As your income rises your options expand and new experiences become available. Determining which entertainment experiences will help you grow - and which won't is a step on the path to self-mastery.

Most entertainment keeps you stuck in a consumer cycle.

You are caught in a Dopamine loop of expected rewards for taking specific actions - Like watching your favorite show or frequenting amusement parks. This Dopamine induced feeling is powerful enough to override common sense. The best way to break the reward loop is through a self-reflective analysis of Why it is important to you.

When deciding to spend your time and money on entertainment ask yourself the following:

• What does it cost me in Time?

• What does it cost me in Money?

• Is this a stress-reducing activity?

• Does this get me closer to my goals?

• Do I feel energized, relaxed, or creative after this?

• What else could I be doing with this Time or Money?

• Are the other people who do this activity my role models?

• Do I want to be like the oldest person who is doing this thing?

Positive answers to these questions align with your long-term goals and indicate a net benefit. Negative answers indicate that the entertainment activity should be reconsidered and replaced with something that has a positive long-term impact. Weigh the pro's and con's then make your decision.

Time is limited.

Identifying when you are approaching your limit for stress is the best way to maintain momentum and avoid burnout.

What do you do when you hit your limit?

If you stop doing the habit, project, or commitment that caused you to hit a wall your selling yourself short. Those were your reasons for pushing hard. Don't let it become "a thing you used to do" - reduce your requirements to lower the stress.

Looks like: Selectively reducing your commitments - Ex. from 10 volunteer hours to 2.

Identifying when you hit your limit:

A feeling of foreboding, fear, and lack of control creeps up your spine and settles as tension in your neck and shoulders. Illness or injury occurs. Listen to your body and slow down once you feel the tension rise.

Avoiding burnout:

Create a set of minimum requirements for your daily tasks and habits. On off days give yourself permission to do less. Not to do nothing - that can create feelings of worthlessness and compound the problem.

Understand that often one minimum effort day will turn into 3 or a week - sometimes more. That's OK. Keeping a habit alive and making incremental progress the most important thing.

Recovering to 100%

With time, rest, and allowing yourself to enjoy "non-value add" activities your energy and enthusiasm will return. Once it does your minimum requirements will look and feel easy to accomplish. And once you shake off the overload completely, you'll be glad you didn't drop a project, commitment, or habit you worked so hard to build.

Learning and Memory Improvement

Describing how you apply what you learn locks in new information.

Rote memorization is not adequate for the application of knowledge. Write about what you learned and then write about how you have applied it. You will find you remember information longer and be able to use it effectively.

Prompt: What did I learn today and how did or could I apply it?

Emotional Regulation

Putting your thoughts on paper reduces anxiety.

As anxiety is lowered your ability to put things into perspective increases. The combination of reduced anxiety and perspective leads to healthy decisions about how to act based on your feelings. Going from emotionally reactive to proactive is a massive personal development.

Prompt: What is bothering me the most right now?

Self-Discovery

Journaling promotes self-awareness.

Self-awareness is an anchor to the present. When you are present and at peace, you can see things about yourself your otherwise busy mind misses. Like an unidentified talent or an unmet need.

Prompt: What stands out about what I did today?

Goal Setting

Be your own accountability partner.

Write an affirmation statement of your top goal and how you will achieve it. Then create a prompt to update yourself on daily progress towards that goal. Keeping a goal at the forefront of your mind is a way to direct your energy to accomplish it.

Prompt: What steps did I take to achieve my goal?

Have any additional prompts?

Add them in the comments!

What if we approached conversations more slowly? Not because we need to say something or risk seeming rude. Instead with feeling, deep thought, care, and a purpose-driven approach.

Small Talk: The Social Standard

Small talk is safe. It comes in many varieties from shallow to carefully inquisitive and generally lacks depth. It can be a social obligation, a character test, and a follow-up to introductions.

Deep Talk: What Most People Actually Want

Deep talk is about exploring ideas, creative thoughts, observations, and digging into meaningful subjects. Listening is equally important. Bonus points if you are willing to change your mind based on new information.

Having More Deep Conversations

Having a conversation that cuts through the bullshit is refreshing. It requires vulnerability, openness, honesty, and motivation to connect. You will not always be ready for these conversations but when they happen take the time and be present.

You'll be glad you did.

Experiences with a lesson and advice that resonates can become guiding life rules.

Life Rules Can Be Simple

Don't overthink a piece of advice that fits you. Add it to your list. I've heard something in a podcast, read a line in a book or article, and failed or succeeded at something that triggered a learning insight.

Simple Rule: Identify your fear and then act.

Life Rules Can Be Complex

Your rate of revelation for 1 rule may come in pieces. It could be taking 2 or more values and combining them into a way of behaving which becomes a rule.

Complex Rule: Realize when you're fence-sitting and then determine to take action or postpone action to a SPECIFIC time.

This one started with "realize when you're fence-sitting", evolved into taking action, and evolved again into setting specific dates for taking action.

Capturing Your Life Rules Insight

Keep all of your rules in one place and make sure it is easy to capture additional ones. I use Google Keep - it is a convenient and simple option. Use a notebook, or whichever is your preferred personal knowledge management system.

5 of my Life Rules:

• Avoid over-attachment to thoughts.

• Connecting others is a duty of success.

• Investments in learning are never wasted.

• Have a minimum standard of acceptability.

• When thinking emotionally, ask if you are making up a story for lack of information.