There was a time where I worked 12 hours every day for a year on a project and I absolutely loved it.

Building digital products that change the trajectories of companies is exciting and intellectually stimulating. I found something that I was good at, enjoyed, and felt important.

But one night I remember my best friend giving me some honest feedback - "you talk about work all the time. Let's talk about something else!" It was about that time when I started noticing that if I finished work early, I would putter around my apartment lost, looking for purpose.

"I need a hobby," I decided. I clapped my hands and looked around. It slowly dawned on me that I had no idea what I was interested in.

Create space by subtracting

In my quest to be an interesting human being and find a hobby, I basically just tried doing a lot of stuff for 2 years. But it always felt forced and hectic. I was always so busy, running from thing to thing and the potential-hobby-in-waiting fell by the wayside.

It was only when I started saying "no" to activities and obligations did I experience the stillness to hear my inner thoughts. I learned then that some of the most effective things we can do is to subtract instead of add.

Try creating things for a set amount of time. Once the time period is up, note whether you liked it or not.

The interesting thing about hobbies is that you're always creating something. Food, music, art, cars, whatever. The opposite of hobbies are things where you consume mindlessly. YouTube, video gaming, Reddit, Instagram, TikTok - these things feel different when you're the consumer vs. the creator of the content.

If you want to get to know yourself and accelerate the process of re-becoming yourself, create more than you consume.

So what should we create? Most of us are pretty multi-talented people. We have a lot of hobbies and interests - write them all down! Then try them a couple at a time.

For instance, these next few months I'm focusing on writing daily and cooking for friends. That's it. No more hobbies allowed for these next few months until this time is over. I learned this technique from DaVinci btw, who basically time boxed his interests to teach himself all the things he was interested in like anatomy, painting, and sculptures.

How can I tell the difference between "it's difficult and I don't like it" and "it's difficult but I like it"?

I simply ask myself two questions: 1) Did I enjoy this activity while I did it? 2) How did I feel after I completed the activity?

This second question is the best indicator because sometimes the things we need are difficult, and we confuse that difficulty with not liking it.

Don't overthink this. If you liked it, build a system around continuing to create it.

I'm now a very interesting human

Just kidding. But I do have real hobbies now, and I've become more me than I've ever been before. I've rediscovered my love of writing, focused on building friendships, learned how I like to travel, and discovered a passion for scuba diving. These things genuinely fill my cup.

It takes time to create yourself, but you can be methodical and intentional about it. These steps genuinely worked for me, and I hope they do for you too!