I love the self-development space. The constant improvement of oneself never ends. From reading more to reducing cheap dopamine, through time management, and not wasting time, I have been harsher on myself. Judging every move I make, comparing my journey to others, and feeling like an imposter and a failure.

I'm going through the Dip Seth Godin talks about.

The past few weeks have been hard, I haven’t been the best, and going through ups and downs I did not feel like writing, or filming any YouTube videos. I now realise, the less I do, the worse I feel and the cycle repeats itself. It has been at least 4 weeks since my last video and about 2 weeks since my last post.

I don’t know what I am doing, my art doesn’t seem to solve nobody’s problem and nobody seems to read or watch what I do. I ask myself, what’s the point?

The more books I read the more lost I am, information overload is playing me, especially comparing myself. I thought I was getting over it, but I can’t help but notice how much I do it.

I need to get out. Do something new, overcome my phone addiction, and get the job done. I have been turning to recreation and trying to distract myself from the fact that I am not doing what I should. It is now time to stop and reflect from a new angle and see how I can make better content, writing, and filming.

Solve somebody’s problem and apply all the stuff I’ve been learning.

What do I give a fuck about? What do I want from life? What is it that I value the most? These are some questions I still need to come to answer.

So far I want to have a purpose that I haven’t felt for a while, something I care about, a mission. I can do anything but not everything.

Karam Zarkitou