One of the regulars at a bar starts telling everyone that he's going to travel the world to find the perfect woman, and heads out.

Six months later he comes back into the bar looking glum.

"Didn't find her, huh?" the bartender says.

"No, I did," he replies. "But she was looking for the perfect man."

Yesterday, after publishing an essay with a typo, I said I was going to write about perfectionism. I thought that meant perfectionism in writing. But I just caught a whiff of something way more impactful: perfectionism in relationships.

One of the selling points of #ship30for30 is that you'll have a community of people to help you keep at it. I thought that sounded great!

But there's also a part of me that's afraid of community, afraid of judgment and rejection.

And when I give into that fear, I end up being the one who rejects other people, by holding myself back! Isn't it ironic? When it goes unchecked, the part recreates what it fears.

I can see how its fear grows out of my childhood experiences of feeling alone, and feel compassion for that. And I can teach it that things have changed now; that what it truly wants is within reach. I can help that part heal.